Breath of Life
by Nimmy II
Summary: Vincent feels dead inside, and it seems only one person can bring him to life...
1. The Beginning

I thought at first that he was very coarse. So rude to everyone, even his poor assistant who was far too timid to stand up to his abusiveness. That's what it was, really. It was as if he had no respect at all for the poor girl.

I remember it so clearly, the way he stormed into the kitchen and demanded why she hadn't served us tea. We were fine, really, but he thought we should have some and wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA!"

Cloud told me afterwards that my face was a picture.

So we gingerly sat down at the table with him, with his boots up on the tabletop. He wasn't very happy.

So as his poor assistant Shera began clearing away at the sink, we sat at the table with an atmosphere like lead waiting for him to speak. We sipped our tea every now and then in case we made him angrier.

He started ranting and railing about the Shin Ra being late. Apparently they'd told him the Shinra Space Program was going to restart, and since he was the self-professed best pilot in the world, he was to pilot the world's first rocket. 

Of course this was a lie on Shin Ra's part. Knowing them like I do, it was almost inevitable from the outset. The president had come to Rocket Town to take Cid's plane. 

We had learned earlier when we had asked to lend the plane that it was his most cherished possession and he loved it and lavished attention on it like a favourite daughter, so the meeting between Cid and Rufus was not a friendly one once the Shin Ra's true motive had been revealed.

It was at that moment Shera popped her head around the door and beckoned us inside. She told us that as Cid had been arguing with Rufus round the front, Palmer had sneaked round the back to steal the plane.

We would put a stop to that.

As we confronted Palmer, he recognised a few of our group from an earlier encounter with AVALANCHE in Midgar, at which time I had not yet awoken from my slumber in Nibelheim. He put up a brief show of resistance but made a hasty retreat once he figured the odds were against him, to be promptly mowed down by an approaching truck. 

Then the plane began to move! Apparently Palmer had been trying to work out how to start the Tiny Bronco before our interruption; the three of us present leapt onto the craft just before it took off into the air, making a wide arc over Rocket town then zooming over the heads of Rufus and Cid, still arguing. The Shin Ra soldiers began to try to shoot the plane down, and I saw Cid running for his life to catch up with us before the plane took off fully into the sky. He dived and grabbed the tail, somehow dodging torrents of bullets that were flying past us at dangerously close quarters. He hauled himself up onto the plane before we gained height, then the plane shuddered violently as a stray bullet hit.

"Shit! The tail's been hit!" Cid shouted.

We were still increasing speed as the plane gradually started to tip down nose-wards, I felt my stomach churn as there was a shift in the gravitational pull and we began to plummet. My hair streamed out as the hard winds stung my eyes.

"Emergency landing..." Said Cloud over the wind, and we were all lying flat on the wings, clinging on for dear life. 

The pace picked up further still as we made a nosedive for the sea, the water rushing up to meet us at an alarming rate.

"This's gonna be a big splash! Hold onto your drawers and don't piss in em!" 

The ensuing collision with the sea silenced any reaction I may have had to Cid's outburst and we found ourselves plunged with a crashing impact into the cold waters of the transcontinental sea.

It took us a while to recover from the impact, but the Tiny Bronco had not sunk as we had expected it to, but it would never fly again. We sat atop the ruined plane as it bobbed in the water.

I sat alone on the right wing of the plane, gazing out at the sea. I watched the cold water lapping at the sides of the Tiny Bronco, as if threatening still to swallow her up.

"How about it everyone?" I heard Cloud pipe up, bringing me out of a trance. By everyone, I assumed he meant me, but I had not heard the question. 

"Do whatever you wish." I replied, in as general a sense as possible. 

I let them keep talking, Cloud and Cid. Ever since I had risen from my coffin, I could not stop thinking about finally catching up with Hojo. For thirty years, nightmares of that man plagued me, toying with my mind; accusing me, haunting me. 

'Lucrecia. How could I have let you face the horror that you faced... let you give birth to a monster...

I feel so empty now. You're gone, and thirty years have passed. 

Your son, your mark on the world, is our enemy. How will I feel when I finally have to point my gun at him? Will I have so lost any feelings that I will be able to do it pitilessly, coldly, without remorse? Am I so changed into this inhuman monster? 

Yet in many ways, I hope that I do feel nothing. Then there would be no pain in my heart this time when I commit my final sin against you. 

But I deserve this pain, Lucrecia. It's all my fault. All my fault... If this demonic body of mine could weep, I would not have tears enough for all that has happened to you... and to that child which I must take a hand in destroying.

I do not ask you for forgiveness, wherever you are; for I do not deserve your forgiveness.'        

"Hey, the @#$%'s up with you?"

I started out of my thoughts and glared at the intruder. "I beg your pardon?" I said, my voice lined with ice.

"You're sittin' there with a face like a slapped ass, and I was askin' what the @#$%'s wrong?" He said, not intimidated in the least by my hard stare.

I gave up my glaring at him and returned my gaze to the sea. I listened to the waves for a moment.

"I was thinking. It's not a matter I'd like to discuss."

"Who put a stick up his ass?" He asked Cloud. Cloud almost choked trying not to laugh.

"Um, Cid, Vincent's... got a lot on his mind. He's not the talkative type." He managed.

I pretended to ignore them.

"You can say that again!" Cid crowed. "Well, well. Vince, is it?" He slapped me on the shoulder, hard enough to make me wince slightly.

"Vincent." I corrected him.

"Vince it is then! I'm Cid."

"I know."

"Hey, I'll crack him eventually! He'll be laughing in no time." Cid laughed to Cloud.

"I highly doubt it," I muttered and returned to my thoughts.

The journey to the mainland on the ruined plane seemed to drag. All I could hear was Cid talking to Cloud about his exploits as a pilot for hours... and still my despair gnawed at me like a gaping black hole trying to devour the very sun. As I sat detached from the others my pain felt more apparent. 

I began to think that Cid's brash and offensive remarks were quite welcome in place of this solitude.

But I couldn't think that. 

'I'm meant to feel the pain. I must atone, I must know punishment for my sins.'

I sighed and closed my eyes. The sounds of the sea seemed to wash over me in a tide of sorrow. 

'How like the sea I am,' I thought. 'So vast, cold and desolate...'

It was an eventful journey along the coast, we came across a lone weapon seller near the beach that had informed us of the whereabouts of a keystone that was needed to gain access to the temple of the ancients. 

We reached the Gold Saucer a couple of days later. The owner of the Gold Saucer had the Keystone in his museum, and would only give it up to us if Cloud tried his hand at the Battle Arena. Cloud almost won all of the matches, but was just beaten by a strong creature right at the end. I remember seeing the disappointed Cloud walk out of battle square towards us with the keystone.

"Hey Vince, lookee there! Cloud got the keystone!" Said Cid, pointing.

"He looks a little dispirited." I said. I knew the feeling well.

"Yeah... Hey Cloud!" He said as Cloud reached hearing distance. "You got the key, didn't ya? Why the mopey face? You look just like Vince here!" 

I rolled my eyes.

Cloud smiled a bit. "Yeah, I got the keystone, but I didn't win the tournament."

Cid lit a cigarette and puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Christ, is that it? You'll win someday, I'm sure. Anyway, I'm bushed. Can we get some shuteye?" 

"Look, we haven't got time to hang around, Cid! Sephiroth and Shinra are on their way to the Temple, and we have to get there quick." Said Cloud, a set look on his face. He didn't want to go, but he had to. I could see it in his eyes... fear. He was afraid of Sephiroth. But angry and determined also. I knew that he saw Sephiroth differently to how I saw him - To Cloud, he was once a figure of admiration, someone older to respect and aspire to, and then turned traitor. Someone who stole his hometown away. Someone who scared him.

To me, Sephiroth is a tragedy. He should never have been born, a terrible human experiment; he is the only thing left that I know of Lucrecia left in this world. And I have to kill him.  

"We have to settle up with Sephiroth." He said quietly to Cid. "We can't rest yet."

Cid sighed and nodded, looking downward. "I guess you're right, kid." He paused, nodding his head silently, hands on hips and still looking down with the smoking cigarette poking out of the side of his mouth. "But I'm still @#$%ed."

I think I smiled a little behind my collar. Then I realised that I had and stopped myself. Cid wasn't smiling; he was serious, but even his serious times could spark mirth in others. Unfortunately, even me.

Cloud laughed. We started walking towards the ropeway station and I checked myself. 'I'm not supposed to forget my pain, to be smiling. I don't deserve to smile.'

I needed to try to become more detached, from Cid in particular. His cheerfulness (or lack of it) was starting to infect even me.

We arrived at the ropeway station, but all was quiet. The engines of the tram had been shut down and a few Gold Saucer employees were scattered nearby. A girl came up to us.

"I'm sorry, but the tram is out of order and you won't be able to leave until it's fixed..."

"Oh no!" Cloud cried. He seemed even more agitated now. "But we have to go now, you don't understand!"

"I'm sorry..." Said the girl helplessly.

"Does this mean I can crash for a bit?" Cid asked hopefully, rubbing an eye with his gloved fist.

Suddenly, Cait Sith came hopping up on his giant moogle. "What? The tram's busted? too bad... hey, we can stay at the hotel for the night, I know them there. It'll be free. Whaddya say?"

Cloud grabbed at his hair. "We shouldn't be losing time like this... but there's no way we can leave now until the tram's fixed. I guess we have no choice..."

"Then it's settled!" Said the cat. "Come on!" He bounced off to the hotel.

I looked at the unhappy Cloud, then at Cid, who was almost asleep on his feet, then I started walking after Cait Sith.

Soon we were all gathered in the hotel lobby, discussing what to do next. It was a solemn occasion and for the first time in a long while all of us were assembled together. Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, Barret, Red, Cait Sith, Yuffie, Cid and myself.

We discussed at length our plans. We all poured forth what information we had got so far, and derived from it our course of action for the morning. Aeris was to accompany Cloud to the Temple, as she was a Cetra and it was once a place where many of her people had lived, worked and prayed to the planet.

Our talks went on into the early hours, until at last we decided to go to sleep. 

As everyone got up and started up the stairs to their rooms, I noticed Cid was still sitting in the armchair. I walked over to him. "Hey Cid, let's go to our rooms."

"Zzzzzzz...." Cid had fallen asleep in the chair.

"Ah." I said quietly. I patted his shoulder. "Come on, Cid. Wake up."

"Zz -- H-huh? Who'd ya say? What?" He snorted awake. "Oh, Vince. Jus' you. What's up?"

"Everyone's gone to bed. We should, too."

"Thought I was in @#$%in' bed." He stood up and stretched. "Talk, talk, talk all night @#$%in' long. What's happenin' tomorrow then? Gimme the condensed version!"

We started to walk up the stairs. "Cloud, Aeris and one of us are going to the Temple of the Ancients in the morning."

"Christ, if Spiky expects me to go he can @#$% off. I ain't goin'."

"I think it might be interesting." I replied nonchalantly. I didn't particularly want to see Sephiroth though.

"Well, G'night Vince." He waved and went to turn into his room, but stopped. He turned back. "Uh, hey... Cloud says you used to sleep in a coffin..?"

I nodded.

"Oh, ... do you still sleep in one? This hotel could give you one of their display coffins or something!"

"No, I don't still sleep in one."

"Is a coffin comfier?"

"It's quieter."

"Oh. Right." Cid blinked. "Night." He shut the door. I stood for a moment, alone on the landing, gathering my thoughts. I sighed and went to my room.

The morning came quickly, and it seemed that no sooner had I laid my head upon the pillow it was light again. I lay there for some time, thinking.

I seemed to do a lot of that, I didn't think any less now that I was out of my coffin. If anything, I had less to think about then.

I wondered if we were any nearer to meeting Hojo. 

'But what if we did? What would I say, what would I do? Would I shout at him, or am I too dead to be roused in anger again? I have felt nothing for too many years. Maybe I wouldn't even care.

He destroyed me, and I can't care. What manner of creature have I become?

Would I care if he destroyed me again, for good? Perhaps that's what I want. Perhaps that's what I deserve. Maybe it's best if I do die.

But how would he kill me again? I am beyond mortal death now. I am nearly sixty years old, and I look no older than when I was twenty seven, when he killed me and made me what I am.

Does he feel remorse for the evils he has committed against nature? Science... a barbaric invention. Men now are able to assume the power of gods, and that power is tainted by their corruption.

That foul-mouthed pilot Cid admires science, I know. Does he know what harm it can cause? Mankind was better off in the days of the Ancients, when the only powers wielded by mortals were the gifts of nature. For all the wrong Sephiroth has done, he was right when he said the ancestors of humans were cowards. While the Cetra constantly migrated and were one with the planet, humans couldn't care less about it and began to form permanent settlements, advanced in technology and thus science was born out of their idle selfishness.

I wonder if Cid knows this about this science of his? That it does far more harm than good.'

I looked at my metal arm and flexed the clawed fingers, making them glint coldly in the light. I wondered where my flesh arm had gone. I wondered if my flesh arm was actually still there underneath this metal, but I had never tried to take it off in case it wasn't. 

'At least, like this, I can pretend my arm might still be there.'

At last I found the will to force myself out of bed and out of my trance, yet still filled with lethargy.

I felt like I was drowning. Somehow, in that little bedroom as I pulled on my clothes for another long and wearying day, I felt the worst I had ever felt in my life. I don't know why. I sank into a pit of despair.

"....ahh....." I sank down onto the carpet, sliding down the wall. It was unbearable. I wanted to die, I became overwhelmingly filled with hopelessness and despairing anguish... desolation.

These spells happened to me now and again, where I would lose all will to exist, and I would sit there, slumped and defenceless as darkness swallowed me. All I could feel was darkness. Grief. Torment.

"If this is all I can feel, then let me feel absolutely nothing... Beautiful oblivion is a sanctuary I long to reach..."

I didn't notice the door open. I didn't notice anyone come in until I was being hauled to my feet.

"Vince! Vince! For @#$%'s sake, answer me! What's up?"

I looked up into the confused face of Cid. "...What?" I said, the dark spell for now broken.

"You were sittin' there, thumping yer head against the wall, bitin' yer own @#$%in' hand and whimperin' to yourself!"

I blinked and looked at my hand, a couple of the fingers were bleeding. I hadn't even realised I was doing it, or even that I was making a sound.

"I... had no idea..." I mumbled, as the blood dripped in tiny droplets onto the cream-coloured carpet. I felt shame, for letting someone see me like that. Cid probably thought I was crazy. Maybe he'd be right.

"Here, let's get this bandaged..." He went to the first aid box on the wall and got out some bandages and an antiseptic wipe from a packet. He made me sit down and he cleaned the blood from the deep, bloodied bites on my hand. Strangely, the wipes should have stung as they cleaned the cuts, but I felt no pain. Maybe that's why I hadn't noticed I was biting myself.

Calmly and without fuss, Cid finished cleaning them and started to wrap a thin bandage around the damaged area. He didn't even ask why I had done it! He didn't seem to care at all. I don't mean that he didn't care about my injuries, but that he didn't care that I might be a little disturbed. It really didn't bother him.

Nevertheless, I still felt uncomfortable that I had been seen in one of my "moments". Most of the time I could deal with these thoughts, regrets... but sometimes I just broke down. No one had ever seen this until now, and I didn't quite know what to say. I was not good at expressing myself at all.

"Okay, this should be fine now. Just... put this glove on, and... there." He tugged my glove onto my hand. "There, like nothing ever happened." He stood up and nodded briskly. "I actually came in to say Cloud picked you to go with him and Aeris. Are ya ready to leave? The rest of us guys are gonna hang around a bit and make preparations, then we'll follow later."

I nodded, standing up. "I'm.. ready."

Cid turned and started to leave.

"Cid!"

He turned. "What?"

I paused. "Why didn't you ask me ... why I did it?"

He shrugged. "Not my place, pal. Hell, we all get bad days and some deal with it differently than others. A guy's gotta lose it sometime, 'specially under this pressure we're under. Even you." He grinned. "So don't worry 'bout it. I won't tell nobody. Enjoy the Temple, I'm gonna get some @#$%in' shuteye at last. Never slept a wink last night, I was dreadin' Cloud pickin' me. Hahaha!" He walked off down the corridor, leaving a trail of cigarette smoke behind him.

I stood there for a while, looking at the doorframe. I raised my hand and looked at it. The bandages were completely concealed by the glove. I had never done... that before. The fast approaching confrontations with Hojo and Sephiroth were perhaps adding to my troubles somewhat.

But Cid didn't mind. Why? He treated it as if I'd accidentally pricked my finger on a thorn...

I slowly walked down to the lobby, where Cloud and Aeris were ready to leave. I saw Barret slip into the hotel shop. Tifa was reading a book in the armchair. I couldn't see any of the others.

"Vincent, there's something you should know," Cloud said, looking a little sad.

"What is it?"

"Cait Sith... has betrayed us. He's a Shin Ra spy, and he stole the keystone and gave it to them... We're still going, but the Shin Ra will have gotten there first, he made sure of that. What's more, he's holding Barret's daughter Marlene as a hostage, so we have to do as he says. I don't know what we'll do after the Temple, but we can be thinking of a way to get her back whilst we're there... We'd best hurry."

Aeris nodded, looking angry. "I can't believe he could do such a thing... I trusted him..."

I looked around, but neither Barret nor Cait Sith were anywhere to be seen. I sighed. "Life is full of disillusion. Many things are not what they seem..."

Cloud peered at me curiously. "Vincent, what do you..."

"Enough. As you say, we must make for the Temple."  

I holstered my shotgun, checked my materia and then we left for the Temple of the Ancients.


	2. Temple of the Ancients

Chapter 2… woo. I never really did chapters before. ^.^;

By the way, in the last chapter where I mentioned in the foreword that the later parts of this fic were inspired by Evanescence, this does not mean it is a song-fic. I don't really do songfics, I like to turn an inspiration from music into a full-blown tale. ^.^ 

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't check out the lovely songfics by RikuNghts, also inspired by Evanescence. I guess the band just really speak Vincent, huh?

One more thing… in case anyone notices irregularities with the game here, I haven't played it for a while and I'm recalling the events from memory so I'm bound to get a couple of things wrong or miss something here and there. Remember, this fic centers on Vincent's emotions, not facts.

That said, the story continues… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The temple was a huge pyramid-like structure rising from a forest of deciduous trees. It looked ominous even from a great distance, towering out of the surrounding woods like some forgotten colossus. It looked even more intimidating when we were standing right by it. 

Aeris seemed anxious to get inside, and when we approached across the rope-bridge I began to feel a strange sensation, like someone was trying to speak directly into my mind but was unable to... a consciousness that was anxious, excited, whispering in some language that was not human. It was unsettling, but not menacing.

I looked over at Cloud, but he seemed to sense nothing. Aeris, however, was looking about with wide-eyes in all directions, looking like she was straining to hear something. A range of expressions flowed on her face, from anxiety to intrigue, bewilderment to understanding.

"You're scared... but happy? Because I'm here?" She said, talking apparently to our unseen hosts.

Cloud looked a bit uneasy, and I saw him keep looking at me through the corner of my eye. I knew that my face was unreadable; expressionless. This was always so. Perhaps then, he felt assured by my presence, as I showed no fear? 

That may be because I felt no fear. The only fear I held was of myself.

On we went up the great steps up to the entrance at the top. There was another of those men shrouded in black capes... He had a number tattoo. 

"Does this mean that Sephiroth...?" Cloud started as the man evaporated into mist.

"Is in here. I think so." Aeris said calmly. "Let's go."

We walked in through the big dark archway and appeared in a small room, supported by stone pillars and lit with a few guttering torches that threw a deep orange glow about the room, casting large shadows behind the pillars. And there, slumped and leaning against a stone altar, was the Turk Tseng. 

He looked like he was on his last legs, a large wound was trickling blood from his torso; he was pale and sweating from pain and blood loss. Aeris froze when she saw him.

I slowly levelled my gun at him, in case he tried anything. Being a former Turk myself, I knew that Turks can sink to any level to get the jump on the enemy.

Aeris had a brief exchange with Tseng before running behind a pillar, Cloud following her. I kept my gun pointed at Tseng, both of us staring at the other. I recognised the uniform he was wearing only too well, for I had worn an identical uniform even upon the day Hojo murdered me. As I looked in Tseng's eyes, I realised that he meant no harm anymore. He was defeated, and there would be no more fighting from him. He carried a resigned look in his eyes.

Cloud and Aeris returned, Aeris sniffing a little and passing a finger underneath both her eyes. 

"Put the keystone on the altar..." He said, passing Cloud the coveted stone. He stood up slowly and I followed him with my gun as he moved to rest against a side-pillar. His breathing was becoming laboured and a trickle of blood was forming at the side of his mouth. This was the end for Tseng...

Cloud stepped forward and placed the stone upon the altar. It began to glow, and I felt we were being transported somewhere. I saw Aeris take one last glance at the fallen Tseng before we vanished into a swirl of blue light. 

When we reappeared from the light, we were standing in the most bizarre place I had ever seen in my life. There was an endless, multi-levelled labyrinth of stairs, arches, tunnels and dead ends. It looked impassable. 

I looked behind us, but there was no evidence of anywhere we might have came in through. "No exits... we can't turn back."

Aeris ran up to Cloud, who also looked concerned. "Cloud, I know it's hard, but we can make it!"

I closed my eyes. Here we go, I thought as we stepped into the maze.

We seemed to be chasing after a strange old man with a beard and a pointy hat for most of the maze, Aeris explained this was a Spirit Body of the Ancients, whose job it was throughout the centuries to guard the Temple. We finally caught up to him and he gave us some strange healing potions to help us along, in exchange for Gil. What use he would have for Gil, I do not know. Next to him was a box containing a silver rifle, which although had no materia slots it was more powerful than my shotgun. I holstered it before we left the room.

On we went. We eventually escaped the labyrinth, but were then faced with a cavern filled with dangerous rolling boulder traps. Cloud seemed confident and ran up the passage only to be knocked down by a boulder and sent rolling back to lie groaning at our feet.

"There must be a way to get past these..." Aeris said, watching the great stones roll down.

I noticed that each boulder had a hole in the direct centre...

"If we time our run, and crouch in time, we will be able to duck into the hole as the boulder rolls by."

Cloud and Aeris looked at me. "Vincent, are you positive about this? Sounds dangerous..."

"Watch." With a steadying breath, I ran towards an oncoming boulder, watching the surface as it rolled, and dived with a grunt under the boulder just as the hole was turning over me.

I heard Aeris scream. "Vincent!!" It must have looked as if I'd been crushed, but this was evidently not so as I scrambled from under the boulder as it rolled away only to just make it in time to dive under the next boulder hole. This was a closer shave, I might add, and I had to be even quicker to make it under the final stone. Finally, I reached the end and exhaustedly hauled the leaver to stop the boulders. 

That last time had been a very close shave; a little strip of my cloak was skewered on a sharp boulder edge that dipped in to make the hole.

Cloud and Aeris came running up past the deactivated boulders. "Vincent! Are you all right?!" Cloud asked.

"Oh, you're hurt!" Aeris cried.

Panting a little still, I raised my good arm and saw that it had been scraped  and grazed red all up my forearm. My face had been grazed too when I dived onto the rough stone floor under the boulders, but again I hadn't noticed. 

"Oh. I didn't feel them. It's nothing." I said, wiping the small amount of blood from the worst scratches onto my slightly ripped cloak.

Cloud shook his head, looking at me carefully. He was wondering why I didn't notice the injuries, even though they were very small, they should have stung like mad. But I genuinely hadn't noticed until they'd told me, and I think it disturbed them a little. Aeris went quiet, before suggesting we went on further.

Many things happened from then until we reached the Hieroglyphic room; we saw a vision of Sephiroth attacking Tseng... so Sephiroth was in the Temple, and that's how Tseng was wounded so badly.

We passed through a hall of the Time Guardian, who safeguarded many priceless treasures, such as a special ribbon that protected against all illnesses and venoms, and a powerful staff for Aeris to use.

Then we had to chase another Spirit Body around a maze until we caught him and he opened the door to the High Chamber for us.

This was it.

With a final check of our armour and materia, we stepped through the door into the dark guttering torchlight.

There were many murals and hieroglyphics on the walls, the flickering torches giving a sinister darkly golden glow to the room and the pictures.

Cloud looked around himself. "I know he's here... SEPHIROTH!! Where are you?!" He cried.

He was replied instantly by a flash of cold light and a gust of wind.

A ghost-like apparition of Sephiroth hovered in the air before Cloud, his arms clutching to his chest and his pale eyelids closed. "So cold..." He whispered. "I am always by your side." With those enigmatic words, there was another flash and Sephiroth was gone.

We ran further into the chamber and found him again further up, leaning upon his Masamune and staring at one wall painting in particular that stood out from all the others.

"Splendid."

We took a long look at the mural he was examining with such keen interest. Something falling from the sky, terror, fire and destruction...

I was staring at the mural. There was something horribly foreboding about the mural, something fateful and significant... I didn't notice that Sephiroth had disappeared again until Aeris tugged at my arm and I was pulled out of myself again. We ran all the way to the apex of the chamber and found Sephiroth once more, lying down against the Great Altar. There was something final in his eyes.

"Mother... it's almost time..." He whispered and then slowly rose to his feet.

Sephiroth began again to speak of his "becoming one with the planet". He explained to us that when a planet is injured, it gathers spirit energy around the wound to heal itself. The larger the wound, the more spirit energy is gathered.

"But what if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the planet?" Sephiroth asked darkly, plunging his sword into the ground at our feet to mark his point. "Think of how much energy would be gathered! And at the centre of that energy will be me. I will meld with it all! By doing this, I will cease to exist as I am now, only to be reborn as a God to rule over every soul!"

I was shaking my head. I couldn't stop shaking my head. It was so wrong... so wrong... could this evil creature, this insane monster have really come from Lucrecia?

It was clearer than ever to me now that Sephiroth must be destroyed. Yet still, inwardly I quailed at the thought of that moment when I must pull the trigger on him for the final time. 

But that moment was not now. When I looked up again, Sephiroth was gone.

Aeris and Cloud were examining a strange looking device atop the Altar. 

"Let's see... B.L.A.C.K.... M.A.T.E.R.I.A."

Aeris nodded. "Black Materia!"

After a while of examining the Altar and Aeris communicating with the floating spirits of the Ancients, we learned that the Temple itself was the black materia and it could only be gleaned by someone solving a series of puzzles inside the temple to make it shrink after each puzzle, until it would be small enough to fit into the palm of one's hand. The catch to this, however, was that the person inside the temple solving the puzzles would grow smaller too, but the final puzzle when solved would make the temple morph into its final materia form, thus crushing the person inside.

"I guess the Ancients didn't want dangerous magic to be gotten hold of so easily..."

"Then I guess it's safe here?"

"No, Sephiroth has got lots of flunkies that he would gladly sacrifice to get hold of this thing. We have to find a way to get it out, it's safer with us!"

"But how..?"

Just then, we received a call on the PHS from Cait Sith. 

Of course! Cait Sith had a stuffed animal body that he controlled from some as yet unknown location, he could solve the puzzles from inside the temple. 

As long as he could be trusted of course...

After only a moments deliberation, it became apparent that we really had no other choice. Cloud agreed to let Cait Sith help.

As we were leaving, Cloud stopped in front of the wall painting of something falling from the sky, the one that had stirred feelings of ill-omen in all of us. 

He began to act very strange... laughing, and saying something about calling "Meteor". 

I didn't understand what he was saying, he was laughing to himself and making obscure gestures with his hands as if he had gone mad.

"Cloud!" Aeris shook his shoulder. 

"I remember now! I remember my way!" He said, nodded, then looked at Aeris. "Hmm? What is it?"

Aeris shook her head and smiled at him. "It's nothing, Cloud." She looked at me, nodding her head meaningfully. "Right! It's nothing!" She said, more at me I think. 

We took a further examination of the mural before us. Aeris explained what the Ancients must have told her...

"It's the Ultimate Destructive Magic, Meteor... It finds small drifting planets with its magic... and then collides with them! This planet might get wiped out entirely..."

It was vital then, that we must not let Sephiroth get his hands on it. 

We fought our way to the exit through the hall of the Time Guardian.

As we entered the room with the final door, something was amiss. A sense of uneasiness passed through all three of us and we exchanged apprehensive glances.

There was a resonance within the room, a heat tingling through the air, thick and tangible... almost like a heartbeat...

Cloud stepped up to the door and laid his hand upon it. "It's... warm..." He said and turned to look at Aeris and myself.

I felt my eyes widen slightly as I saw the very wall behind Cloud start to stretch and bulge, until a hideous demonic face emerged from the living wall... It stretched out two huge long spindly arms towards Cloud.

"Cloud, behind you!" Aeris shouted. Cloud span around and stumbled over backwards when he saw the huge beast coming out of the wall as if the stone were made of water!

He rolled out of the way a split second before a huge claw crashed down onto the space where he had been half a second ago with a terrible screech as its claws scraped the stone floor.

"What the hell is this?!" Cloud shouted as we all readied ourselves for the fight.

Aeris closed her eyes and cast Sense on the creature. "It is... called Demon Gate. It will be a difficult fight... He is very strong."

We'll see about that, I thought as Cloud made the first strike on the creature. Cloud returned and the creature instantly retaliated by suddenly rushing at us and slamming us all back.

Aeris immediately cast cure on all of us before I took a deathblow shot to the creature with my silver rifle.        

This dealt a sizeable amount of damage, making the creature roar in pain. It was not happy. Pounding the ceiling above me with its fist, Demon Gate sent a shower of sharp stalactites raining down on me. 

I almost felt the pain. I mean to say, I felt the impact, and I felt the damage I sustained, which almost tricked my mind into believing I felt the pain. But before I had much chance to think about it, I felt my body begin to heat up. I became short of breath and gripped my chest; I felt my body begin to change.

My limit break! I hated them. Another lovingly given gift from my tormentor Hojo... I looked over at Cloud and Aeris as I began to convulse into my transformation. They didn't seem bothered; they thought it wasn't me. They thought I merely summoned the beast, they did not know the beast was actually me. I thought it best that they keep that notion, I must seem abnormal enough without that secret being revealed. 

I vanished for a moment before reappearing as Galian beast.

The rest of the battle I cannot tell you; for I have no memory of what occurs during my transformation. When I regained my own mind, I staggered to my feet and looked around. We were outside the temple, and it seemed to be glowing with a black resonance. Then, impossibly it began to shrink before our eyes, further and further down into the earth where its labyrinths had once been concealed, until there was nothing but a tiny shining black gem at the bottom of a large pit that had housed the temple's lower levels.

I watched Aeris and Cloud begin to climb their way down to the newly formed Black Materia, as I kept a lookout up top. 

Then, Sephiroth appeared.

He flew down to Cloud and Aeris, and they were speaking to him, but I couldn't hear... I ran around the edges of the pit, looking down, not quite knowing what to do. I made sure I was ready to go down there and help out if combat started... but I did not expect what happened next. 

Cloud... gave the black materia to Sephiroth. Handed it over to him like he owed it to him...

I stood, shocked, as the bizarre scene unfolded. Sephiroth duly vanished with a resounding chuckle, his coveted treasure in his grasp.

Cloud seemed to regain himself for a moment.

"Aeris... what have I... what have I done?"

Aeris tried to calm him. "It's okay Cloud... it's not your fault..."

"Urrrgh!!... what have I DONE?!"

Cloud lashed out and began to beat upon Aeris in his rage at himself! 

Another Cait Sith toy moogle came hopping up as I immediately leapt down there.

"Howdy, I'm Cait Sith #2! Right pleased to meet y'all!" He saw what was going on down below. "Oops, looks like I came at a bad time!"

"Cloud!!" I shouted, and struck his face hard with the back of my metal claw, instantly knocking him senseless.

I put my hand on Aeris' shoulder. "Aeris, are you all right?"

She had tears in her eyes. "Yes, Vincent... I'm fine... let's get out of here, please..."

I carried Cloud to the moored Tiny Bronco and we all set off to meet the rest of the team at the appointed meeting place: Gongaga. 

As we arrived in the village, Barret and Tifa came running up. "Vincent! Aeris! What happened?!" Tifa called, looking at Cloud, who was slung over my shoulder. 

"A minor accident. Nothing much. He was knocked out, he'll be fine." I looked at Aeris, who nodded me a thank-you.

"Tifa, Barret... do you mind if I go straight to bed? I've got a lot I'd like to think about, alone..."

"Of course, Aeris. You go." Tifa smiled as Aeris ran off to the inn. I saw Aeris look back at us once before she disappeared into the building.

Little did I know, then, that would be the last time I ever saw her again.


	3. Tears in the Rain

Chapter 3.

I'm getting the hang of the chapters… don't think this one is quite as long as the others but what the hell.

Remember to review! If you like it (or not) you have ta tell me, ya know.

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"I hope she's alright... she really been gone that long? Especially with that @#$%in' nutcase Sephiroth around... she ain't safe by herself! Why the @#$%'d she go alone?"

I sighed, looking out of the window. Cid and I were in the inn at Gongaga, getting ready to leave for the Ice continent later that day. Cloud, Tifa and Barret had gone first in search of Aeris, who had been missing for a worrying amount of time. Cloud and the others had said nothing to the rest of us before they left, other than Aeris had gone missing, they were worried, and that we were to follow their tracks in about a day or so. That was yesterday, and Aeris had already been gone for longer than we thought was safe with Sephiroth prowling around.

"They didn't tell us anything before they left. Something's going on that we don't know about." I said back to Cid.

"Yeah, it's always them three, ain't it? The AVALANCHE threesome! Just cos' we joined later we get the junior treatment! @#$%, it pisses me off..." He pulled a cigarette from a packet tucked into the leather strap of the goggles atop his head and lit a match by striking it against the stubble on his cheek.

"Just a load of @#$%in' jackasses." He mumbled as he lit the cigarette, the filter between his lips muffling his voice.

All this swearing and irritability meant Cid was worried. This was how he showed it. 

I regarded him through the corner of my eye. "You're worried."

He looked at me like I'd grown three heads. "The @#$%, Valentine?! Of COURSE I'm @#$%ing worried! @#$%! The girl's missin' with that @#$%in' freak lurking around..." He went into a rambling barrage of more swearwords than actual words, railing off all his anxiety at Aeris' disappearance. A healthy, if somewhat offensive, way to unload himself really. I admired the man's passion - he was like a stick of dynamite. A short, fiery fuse, an explosion, and then he was okay. 

I wished I was more like him. I didn't seem to have a fuse - I had a door. Just keep pushing things inside and lock the door afterwards. 

"Aren't you worried?!" He asked me, finally. I didn't know what to say, because I didn't know what I felt. Of course, I'd rather she was alright and would be glad if they found her and brought her back safely, but I wouldn't say that I felt _worried, if you get my meaning.   _

"I suppose." I shrugged.

"You suppose?!" He yelled. He opened his mouth to say something else. I looked at him quickly and he shut his mouth. 

"@#$% it. I'm goin' for a wash, see ya later." He nodded to me briefly before leaving the room. I sighed and leaned my head against the glass of the window against which I was sitting, watching the rain fleck against it on the other side of the pane. I kind of wished Cloud had taken me to go and look for Aeris, because when I was on a mission with other people I could push my thoughts aside for a while. Strange, isn't it - that as soon as you're alone they rush in at you again like shadows that flood into the room eagerly as one blows out a candle.

I didn't want Cid to be angry with me. But... I couldn't just lie and say that I was worried sick for Aeris, like he was... because I just couldn't feel like that. I was dead. All I could feel was sorrow and regret.

'You are the reason Sephiroth is going to call meteor and destroy the world. You are the reason he lived to grow up into this evil creature threatening the lives of every human being on this world.'

Of course... 

I realised that I was not only responsible for Lucrecia's plight, but now for the destruction of every single life on this planet. Because of me.

'My weakness... because I had not stopped Lucrecia, because I had not prevented the experiment from taking place, Sephiroth grew up to destroy the entire world.'

I think I moaned. The guilt and anguish was too great to bear. I pressed my cold fingers hard against the cool glass, my weary eyes staring out into the cloudy, rain swept village as if to look away would crumble my composure. But what could break me, a granite statue on the outside, frozen tears on the inside? 

'What manner of creature am I,' I thought. 'I don't deserve to exist, and yet I do. Is that my punishment? To exist, knowing all that has befallen the world on my account, unable to die yet shouldering the immense guilt and regret until I go mad from it?

Madness too, would be a blessing. Yes, death or madness, both sweet oblivions to curl into in their own right. No, I can't go mad, either. Ceaselessly, wearyingly lucid and linear, thought falling neatly inline after well-placed thought. So uniform... so endless. I could even begin to see the monotonous uniformity of the very rainfall outside. Drop, drop, drop. Does the rain get tired? Does it find release, relief when the sun comes and evaporates it into the clouds?

What does it matter? Why am I thinking this..? What am I doing in this place..? I should have stayed in my coffin... I wish I'd never learned what I have learned... Why did you find me, Cloud? I wish our paths had never crossed. The guilt and regret I felt then seem to me now like carefree bliss compared to the weight I carry at this moment.'

I looked to the door just as Cid walked in whistling, a towel draped over his neck. I wanted to say "Save me! Save me from it all! Please help me!" but no sound came. I saw him come to a halt and look a little disconcerted under my stare, what my face looked like I do not know.  

"Vince..? You okay?"

I struggled to find my voice. ".....No..." I managed.

"What's wrong?" He sat on the window seat next to me, wearing a confused expression. 

I almost instinctively said nothing. I almost said everything. I just couldn't bring myself to throw away this opportunity to admit defeat finally... I couldn't hold in the anguish any longer. Not one word had ever passed my lips to even the thin air about what I suffered inside. 

Until that moment.

"The... pain..." I whispered, my voice shaking. I felt myself curling up into a ball as I began to shake all over. "Help... me..." I felt so much! The pain, mingled with exhilaration at this confession! I was breaking my vow of punishment, but I couldn't stop. It became too much.

"Vince, talk to me for @#$%'s sake! What pain? What can I do?" Cid was almost shouting, not out of anger but out of bewilderment and perhaps panic. Obviously this sort of problem wasn't going to be the type he dealt with on a daily basis.

I clutched at his forearm with my claw, and I realised that the shaking that was wracking my body was actually silent sobs. I felt a tear run down my face for the first time in thirty years... why now? In this little room, on this rainy little day in Gongaga, with Cid sitting close and just letting me clutch his arm like it was the last earthed handhold in a great tornado. 

It was so surreal... yet so fitting. So perfect. It made sense, and my tears fell like the rain outside. Silently, no sound, but they fell from my eyes like much awaited rain onto a desert rose.

"Vince..." Cid said quietly after a while, looking at me with the same concern as when I had wounded my hand. "You gotta tell me what's up buddy, or I can't help ya. You been holdin' it in for a while now, huh?" His voice was quiet and calm and he rubbed my shoulder. 

'You have no idea how long.'

"I... I can't tell you, because... you would hate me." I whispered. I was quiet now, so quiet - my voice was barely more than a breath. "And I cannot bear any more punishment than I have already been given."

Cid shook his head. "Nah. I couldn't hate ya Vince, you're too @#$%in' cool! Shit, I mean I wish I was as cool as you. Y'know, you don't break a sweat when somethin' unexpected happens... don't even blink an eyelid... then there's me goin' "@#$%! Shit! Christ in holy buggerin' hell" and all that crap. You get?"

I would have smiled if it had have convinced me. "It's all my fault."

"What is?" He asked, innocently. So innocently.

"Meteor. Sephiroth. Everything..." I closed my eyes.

"How... how do you mean it's 'all your fault' ?" 

I told him everything that I have told you, about Lucrecia, Hojo's experiment, Sephiroth, The Jenova Project, and my part in the entire tragedy, that I was weak enough to let it take place.

And do you know what?

He laughed. 

Laughed!

How could he laugh!

"Why... are you laughing..?" I asked, wearied by reliving the whole tale again.

"Because it's a guilt trip gone way out of proportions, Vince!" He said. "You think that just because you didn't do something drastic when all that shit was goin' on thirty years ago, the end of the world is all your fault? See Vince, I'm not a complicated guy, and I see it this way: what could you have done anyway, even if you were determined to put a stop to it? Made her have an abortion? Kill her? No, no one would have done that. It ain't your fault at all, Vince - it's those damn scientists faults for messin' with what they shouldn't! I mean, I'm all for science and the machinery and vehicles and shit, but messin' with peoples insides and mixin' in bits of weird dead aliens just for fun? That's just @#$%ed up. And no offence, but more fool that Lucrecia woman for lettin' em mess with her in the first place!"

I stared at him. I really stared at him. 

I had never thought of it all from that point before. All my suffering... all my punishment... my guilt, my regret... the years I spent in that coffin, wretched and alone...

Were they all for nothing?!

But what if they were all I had? 

If they were wrong, meaningless, futile... what reason had I to exist?

Oh, even the suffering and the pain had reasons to them! What would I have left if even my pain left me? Would I be even less human? Cid, what have you done!?

"How dare you!!" I shouted. I stood up, furious and trembling! "How dare you just step into my past and insinuate that my entire existence for the past thirty years has been for nothing!! A guilt trip gone out of proportion, you say! You don't even know what guilt is! How dare you strip the meaning of my life away, and laugh! Laugh! Laugh at the torment and guilt I have gone through and call it nothing!"

Cid also stood up. "What the @#$%'s wrong with you?!" He shouted back. "I was trying to make you feel better, trying to comfort you when you @#$%ing spaz out on me, and all I get is you screaming in my face!"

I snorted. I was beside myself! "Oh, thank you very much, you've taken all my worries away, Cid! Is that what you want me to say? To be grateful? Grateful that you've taken away my only reason to exist, the one thing I was holding onto that would allow me to accept my immortality without going mad from the eternity that I face! Can't you understand?"

My mind reeled from the implications of it all. Nothing! I was nothing now! I realised it, and Cid was right. I couldn't have done anymore than I did back then. But I had to believe it was my fault, I had to have blame, so that I didn't hate Lucrecia for what she had done. I couldn't hate Lucrecia! I would rather hate myself, I would rather blame myself! So I had blamed and accused myself, all those years in the coffin, gradually believing what had become my false gospel truth.

And now I was furious, furious that this little man had waltzed in and in a moment, a few seconds of idle, indifferent musing, he had judged and laid bare all the reasons for my life!

Nothing!

I was destroyed.

I tore off my headband and my cloak, and started wrenching at the digits of my metal arm in a fury. "Is this nothing, too?! Is my arm just this demonic metal claw?! Is there really no flesh beneath this monstrosity?!" My tears were falling free now, and I was a tornado of unleashed raw emotion.

"Vince, stop! Stop for @#$%'s sake!!" Cid leapt over and tried to stop me mauling my metal hand right off my arm.

"Get away from me!!" I yelled, and shoved him away from me violently before running out into the small rain washed streets of Gongaga.

"Vince! Vince!" I heard him shouting me. I ran on, the rain drenching me through. 

I was destroyed.

I ran purposelessly, tears mingling with the rain as they fell from my blood red eyes. 

I must have ran at a sprint for five minutes without stopping before I collapsed into a heap, somewhere amid the ruins of the old reactor. The rain mercilessly beat down on me as I sobbed like a child, curled up into a ball. My shirt was torn, my clothes were soaking wet and I was cold and frightened and alone - without purpose. Without anything to keep me going.

***

He found me quickly. He sat beside me as I shook with the sobs, the rain pouring down on us both amidst the twisted metal of the dead reactor. He didn't touch me, didn't move me, just sat silent for a while before he spoke.

"Look, Vince..." He began quietly. "I really didn't mean to... take away your purpose. I really didn't, but you gotta understand, we got a new purpose now... we've gotta find a way to save the planet. Just 'cos you didn't have a hand in causin' this situation don't mean you can't help stop it!"

I raised my weary head from the scrap-scattered ground a little.

He continued. "Vince, I know you've got a better purpose in life than to feel guilt for something that ain't even your fault. I understand that this thing you got goin' on runs way @#$%in' deeper than I'll ever know, but what I do know is that you're a good guy and you don't deserve to be goin' through that shit for some other @#$%er. Like I just said, you got a better purpose now. Your job is to help save millions of lives. To help save the world."

I lifted my head more and stared at him again.

I think he looked at little scared.

"@#$%... that sounded so @#$%in' corny I can't believe it just came out my mouth." He muttered, looking at his hands.

But he was right. 

I realised it only very slowly. As someone who has never seen the light of the sun for decades sees the first paling of the sky before dawn for the first time in so many years.

"But what about when the world is saved..." I whispered, presuming such a thing was possible. "What purpose will I have then..?"

Cid sighed. "That one, Vince, is something we all gotta figure out for ourselves. I can't help you with that one. Besides, ain't no good rushin' on ahead into the future like that. You gotta take one day at a time. You've got your purpose right now, that's all that matters!"

Save the world... it certainly was something to concentrate on.

"......." I said nothing, and laid my head back down onto the ground. I was still confused. "That's not a very secure purpose to hold onto... what if we can't save the world..?" I murmured. The rain continued to lash down on us. Droplets ran into my eyes.

I heard him shift a little behind me. "You gotta believe that we can, or there ain't no @#$%in' use in trying! What's a hero without all that "We can do it if we believe!" shit? Come on, Vince!"

I said nothing, but inside it made sense.

"So what now?" I said, still not looking at him.

Only the sound of the rain for a few moments.

"Now?" Said Cid, finally. "Now, we get the @#$% outta this rain."


	4. Icicle Inn

Hmm… when I first wrote the last chapter before this I thought it was really angsty.

How WRONG was I. 

The later chapters scream out for razor blades, people. Be warned.

Anyway, there is a wee gap between the end of this chapter and the start of the bit I'm currently writing… this is because when I get an idea, I have to write it down at the bottom of the document for later when I come to it… this "note" at the bottom is now twice as long as the story here right up to the end of this chapter. Whoops! I'll try hard to get the two parts linked up soon. Promise. I can't put the later parts up until I reach that point with this part, can I? Oh well…

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***

I was back in the village inn, wrapped in a blanket whilst my clothes were drying by the fireplace. 

"For @#$%'s sake, Valentine. Look at me! I look like I just swam to Wutai and back! Next time you throw a hissy fit and I have to come slap some sense into ya, make sure it's a nice sunny day?"

I looked up at him. He was still in his wet clothes, dripping. "I don't think there will be a next time, Cid." I looked at the fire. A madness had come and gone, it seemed, for things seemed to be gaining perspective now. Of course I wasn't feeling all better and happy, that's just not how these things go. If anything I felt wretchedly embarrassed, tired and I was still uneasy about my own reasons for existing. But still I felt as if some weight had been lifted from me.

"No word from Cloud," Cid muttered as he scrubbed at his hair. "@#$%, my cigs are all soggy!" He got each one out of the packet and carefully laid each one out in front of the fireplace, being careful not to let one snap. When one did, falling apart due to the soggy paper, he cursed duly.

Yuffie walked in. "Stop swearing, you old coot! My young innocent ears can't take it!"

Cid glared at her. "Shut the @#$% up, brat. Go buy me some more cigs or I'll kick your ass from here to Midgar for insultin' yer elders!"

Yuffie gasped and looked at me. "Vincent! Did you hear that? Are you just going to let the old fart talk to me like that?!"

I shrugged at her. "You're both as bad as each other."

Cid snorted. "Don't @#$%in' compare me to her!!"

Yuffie started to laugh but made a hasty retreat when Cid rolled up a sleeve and stomped over to her.

"Okay, I'm going, I'm GOING!" She yelled as she ran out the door.

Cid paused as the door clicked shut on its own. "Needs a good ass-kickin', that kid..." He reached for a cigarette and swore when he remembered where they were. 

"Hey, Vince, we better get ready! We're supposed to make our way over to the Ice continent to meet up with Cloud & co."

I paused for a moment, watching Cid continue to carefully lay out his smokes before the fire.

"I don't want to go."

Cid looked at me, maybe a bit taken aback. "Huh? Why? It'll get your mind off things. Besides--"

"I know, but I can't face it. Not yet."

Cid sighed and stood up, scratching his head. I wondered vaguely why he hadn't changed out of his wet clothes. "I guess I know where yer comin' from buddy... I guess Cloud won't mind if just you stayed behind. I'll tell him something important came up."

I rested my chin on my drawn-up knees. I didn't want to stay here alone, either. 

'What should I do? I don't want to go, but I don't want to be alone, not now... I feel so fragile. Why am I always so weak?' I thought. 

I watched Cid continue laying his smokes out. He was so careful, like those little sticks of soggy tobacco were bars of gold. I've never smoked so I guess I don't understand the importance of them. 

So careful... his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he very slowly pulled each one out of the limp cardboard pack and laid each out with reverence upon the stone fireplace. 

He was a comfort, and I found myself smiling a little at his careful ministrations. I was a little surprised at myself when I found I was smiling, even though it was only a little one. I was smiling because I realised he was my friend.

When had I last had one of those? Had I ever really had a friend? One that cared enough to follow me when I ran out, mad, into the pouring rain and manage to talk sense into my shattered mind.

Then, the thought of being alone here hovered again and I began to consider leaving with Cid after all, if only for the company. But no... not yet, I couldn't...

"Cid, ..." I began.

"Yup?" He laid out another cigarette. It had been a full pack.

"Would you... stay here with me?"  

He turned his head to regard me, then laid out the last cigarette. "Why? Need some company? Can't say I blame ya, but it might be a bit unfair on the other guys if two of us drop out for a while." He stopped speaking, and we were both silent for a while.

I looked over at him when Cid started to chuckle, shaking his head as he compulsively kept arranging and rearranging the line of smokes on the hearth, still crouching with his back to me. Why was he laughing?

"Heh heh... I've cracked you all right!" He chuckled.

"What do you mean...?" I asked warily, narrowing my eyes slightly.

"I said when we were still on Tiny Bronco when she crashed into the sea, that I'd crack ya! Remember?"

I did remember. I considered denying it, but since the episode earlier my pride had abandoned me for the moment. "Yes." I smiled weakly.

"Right!" Cid said, standing up and clapping his hands together. 

Then the PHS rang.

"Bet that's Cloud, bet they've found Aeris." Cid muttered as he picked it up. "Yeah?" He was silent for a moment, listening. "Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, ... nah, don't mention it. See ya then. ... Yeah, you guys too. Bye."

He fiddled with it for a moment, cursing under his breath before working out which button to press to end the call.

"It was Cloud, they said they found Aeris. He sounded kinda quiet. He wouldn't tell me much else, other than meet him at the base of the Gaea Cliffs in three days."

"Oh..." I wondered why there was a change of plan... I thought he would be bringing Aeris back here.

"It'll only take us a day to get there! That means we gotta spend two more days in this crappy hole they call a town!" He shouted as the innkeeper passed the door. "Hey bud," Cid called to him cheerily, smiling somewhat fixedly.

I thought for a moment. I didn't particularly want to stay here either after what had happened before. "Are there any better towns from here to the Gaea Cliffs?" I asked.

"I dunno, let's see on the map." He picked up our map and unfolded it to its full size, obscuring his entire upper half from my view. "Lessee now... can't read @#$%in' maps for the life of me... all these @#$%in' roads and landmarks and... here! Well, there's Bone Village... sounds shit to me... and Icicle Inn. Hey, this one's got a bar! That suits me! A proper hotel, too, not like this @#$%in' shack!" He managed to say this just as the Innkeeper walked past again going the other way. 

"If you hate it so much, leave!" The Innkeeper growled as he went past. Cid leaned out of the door and gave him a middle-finger salute before returning to our discussion. 

"So how about it, Vince? Your clothes are dry now, ain't they? I say we set off right now!"

I sat still for a moment before getting up from the armchair and checking my clothes. They were pretty much dry.

"All right." I picked them all up and took them into the bathroom to get changed.

***

An hour later and we were boarding the Tiny Bronco. Yuffie, Red and Cait Sith had already left and Cloud had apparently had the Tiny Bronco sent back to Cid after using it initially to reach the Ice continent, so it was just me and Cid on our way to Icicle Inn. I was glad. I didn't have to pretend when it was just me and Cid, because Cid understood me now like no one else could, and it didn't bother him. 

The conversation on the journey there was light and somewhat cheerful considering what I was used to, and Cid was telling me all about how he'd first been interviewed to be a pilot in Midgar over ten years ago.

I could have listened to him for hours, I even found his serious tales funny. I just wished I'd started listening to him earlier. I wished I'd known him earlier - If I'd have known someone like Cid back when I became a Turk, I truly believe I'd have ended up a different person.

We soon arrived at a small cliff that Cid insisted we climb rather than take the long way round from the beach. We couldn't land Tiny Bronco but Cid moored her to a rocky outcrop with a length of rope he kept in a cockpit. It was not a big cliff, about seven foot from the surface of the water, and sloping in at that, so we climbed up with ease. 

Five minutes walk in the snow later, and we were standing in Icicle Inn. It was a charming town to look at, much more civilised than the rather tribal looking Gongaga with its huts and ruined reactor. 

It was early evening in the small town and the lamps were just being lit. Icicle Inn was full of laughing children wrapped up in big fluffy pink coats playing in the snow, elderly gents salting the snow off paths and just a general nice feeling all round. Very wholesome and cheerful.      

We stood for a moment, taking in our surroundings and locating the Inn we would be staying at.

"I guess that's the Inn..." Cid pointed to a large building off to one side. "How many days we got here?"

"Not counting today and the day we leave for Gaea Cliffs, two." I said.

"Well, how about we rest up at the Inn? Then we can have a drink in the bar!" He cricked his neck loudly. "Do us good to take a break without worryin', huh Vince?"

"Hmm." I nodded. With a final glance at the scene around us, we made our way to the Inn.

Upon walking in, we were greeted by a friendly youth with a big smile who took us up to the counter.

"Hello, welcome to Icicle Inn! Will you be making a reservation?"

"Yeah, for two nights." Cid replied.

"Right, let me see, we have... one room with space for two and one single room... I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to take the double room, so we will have space for another guest who will want the single room. Is this all right?"

"Sure it is."

"Wonderful. For two nights, the fee is 400 Gil, please."

Cid grumbled only slightly as he produced the money and handed it over to the friendly youth.

"Room six, last one on the right. Here is the key, the bar is next-door to reception."

I nodded at the young man and we made our way to the room.

Cid groaned and threw himself on one of the small beds. "@#$%, am I looking forward to that drink later. But first I gotta have a... little rest, you know... shut my eyes.... for a .....  for a bit... ... ......... ......... ........... ......... ....... ........ ....... ... zzz zzzzzz  ZZZZZZ..." 

I had hardly closed the door and he was asleep. I looked at him for a moment, my hand still on the door.

He was barely in his thirties and he was acting like an old man. No wonder Yuffie called him a ... Well. What she called him. 

I went over to my bed and removed my cloak and headband. I sat down, noticing the mattress wasn't nearly as hard as the one I had slept on briefly in Gongaga. I swung my legs up onto the bed and lay back, my eyes fighting to stay open. Okay, so I was just as tired as Cid. Maybe a little nap would be good...

"Vince! Vince! Wake up!"

I was shook awake by an enthusiastic Cid and realised I had been deep asleep.

"Cid, stop shaking me... I'm awake..." He released my shoulders and I sat up, rubbing my eye with my right hand.

"Come on, sleeping beauty! I've been up for 20 minutes waiting for ya, the bar's waiting!" He chuckled and slapped me on the back.

"Ugh." I slowly got up from the bed and smoothed out my shirt as it had become twisted as I'd been asleep. "What time is it?"

"About ten. Come on, hurry up!" He left the room, presumably hurrying down to the bar.

I shook myself a little to wake myself up, and put my cape and headband back on before leaving the room and making my way downstairs to the bar.

As I walked in, I noticed there were a few other guests scattered around the bar area, there was a friendly, lively atmosphere. I noticed Cid straight away, leaning on the bar, making a joke with the barman.

I approached and stood by Cid. He grinned at me.

"Well this here's my pal Vin, he's a touch on the quiet side so don't expect much talk outta him! Ain't that right, Vin?"

I sighed and made my way to a table in the back. I heard Cid say to the barman in his usual foul-mouthed way: "See? Now, what the @#$% does he want to drink... Hey! Vince!"

"Yes?" I turned to look at him. I knew what he was going to ask but I let him ask anyway.

"Whaddya want to drink?"

"...." I didn't usually drink, so I didn't know what beverages were likely to be on offer. I decided to play it safe. "Red wine, please."

Cid seemed a little surprised at my choice, but said nothing. I went to the table and sat down, waiting. 

I took a moment to survey the other occupants of the room. A bulk of them were surfers from Costa Del Sol come to try out the town's famous snowboarding slope. There were a few other various people that looked like tourists, and a few locals. 

I wondered if Cloud and the others had passed through here once they had found Aeris on their way to the Gaea Cliffs. 

When I thought about it, why were they taking so long to get there? Since we took a short cut up the small sea cliff, we should have been in front of them, but there was as yet no sign of them coming through this way. Strange. Did something happen?

"Here y'are, one red  wine." I looked up to see Cid put a glass of wine in front of me, then the bottle it came out of. He put an empty wine glass in front of himself as he sat down opposite me. 

"Well, it looks good stuff, thought I'd give it a try." He picked up the bottle and poured a large amount of the red liquid into his glass.

I sipped at mine and looked at the volume on the bottle as it tasted quite strong. "13.5%..."

Cid grinned. "Yeah? It's good shit!" He drank half of his glass in one go.

"Easy, Cid... you'll be inebriated in no time if you carry on like that..."

"That's the plan." Cid drank some more wine.

"You... want to get drunk..?" I asked, "Why?"

"Because I ain't had fun in weeks and we got two days to ourselves! I dunno about you but I wanna get drunk." He pulled a cigarette from a new packet in his goggle strap. "Hey, they sell my favourites at the bar. Means I don't have ta smoke them @#$%in' soggy ones yet... may as well save em for an emergency." He lit up and took a long drag, sighing happily on the out breath. "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout..." he grinned. 

I looked at my glass, swirling the wine around in it, wondering vaguely if it was possible for me to get drunk anymore. I'd never been drunk even when I was mortal, so I didn't know what it was like anyway. I'd seen people drunk, of course - staggering around, paralytic, acting like idiots.

I looked at the wine in my glass. I found it amazing that a substance that could reduce one to that sort of state was actually legal and drunk as a pastime. 

"Why is being intoxicated enjoyable?" I asked Cid, who was on his second glass already.

"Because when yer drunk, you can forget ALL yer @#$%in' problems and just be a mindless idiot for a lil' bit." He already had a rosy tint to his cheeks. "Heh-hey, this stuff works fast. Drink up, Vince! I'm way ahead of ya here!"

I looked at him, then at my glass for a moment. Forget all my problems... should I try it?

~~~~~~

Well, should he try it? Tell me what you think. I haven't written more of this part yet. ^.^;;; forgive me! 

Also, if you read a few parts of this and wondered vaguely if I was skipping out bits of the journey on purpose because I was lazy and wanted to get to the emotionally charged angsty or fluffy bits, …. Well, you'd be right. Shame on me.


	5. Understandings and Misunderstandings

To anyone that knew him fairly well, it would have surprised them to see Vincent as he and Cid stumbled up the stairs to their room. They were laughing and making all the more noise trying to be quiet for the other guests that would be asleep by now.

They had finished three bottles of the red wine between them, and despite Vincent's doubts, he was very able to become drunk. It was actually the first time he had been drunk in his entire life.

They had talked and talked through the night at that table in the back of the bar, as glass after glass had been consumed between them.

Vincent had found his tongue loosening even more as time went by, and he had discussed at length with Cid all about why he had joined Shinra, about his first meeting with Lucrecia, and now about his need for a reason to exist.

"Think about it, Cid..." He had said, swaying only slightly in his seat, trying to focus his eyes on the equally inebriated pilot. "What's the point in my existence? Other than stopping Sephiroth, I mean? After it's all over, where will I go? Who will I go to? I may as well go back in the coffin." He hiccupped.

"Don't you #$%ing dare," Cid had warned him, pointing a wobbly finger at Vincent. "Not after all that #$%ing shit in Gongaga. I'm telling you, if you go back in that #$%ing coffin I'll just drag you out of it again."

Vincent closed his eyes and held his hands to his head. "Why do you have to suw-swe-srer- curse so much? It offends people."

"Th'#$% do I care? If they got a problem with Cid Highwind," He thumped his chest with his fist. "They better come'n tell me. S'there." He successfully lit a cig after a few tries.

"Y'know..." Vincent said, smiling and his eyes half closed. "You're the only friend I ever had. You're so good t' me." He grinned stupidly, which looked very strange on Vincent's usually stoic features.

"Hey, don' go gettin' all mushy on me..." Cid slurred.

"Am, I'm not getting muchy..." Vincent protested. "Just tellin' the tooth- th' truth, that's all."

"Hey, hey." Cid murmured almost conspiratorially. "I'm #$%ed. I think we should go sleep now. Whaddya think?"

Vincent nodded heavily, his eyes closed. "I'm really really really tired."

"C'mon then..." Cid pushed his chair back and nearly slipped as he untangled his feet from the chair legs. "Woah, shit," He cursed, the burning cig hanging from his mouth. He ignored his near slip and offered Vincent a hand to help him stand up.

Vincent took the hand and Cid dragged him more than helped him up, but Vincent didn't seem to mind, and they had made their way up the stairs, laughing like imbeciles.

Vincent leaned heavily against the doorframe as Cid fumbled with the key, held mere centimetres from his squinted eyes. He murmured various swearwords until he turned the key the right way up and started trying to jam it into the lock.

"What are you doing?" Vincent frowned. "Give it here." He snatched the key from Cid and started trying to jam the key into the lock himself, in exactly the same way.

After some time, he managed to score and the key slid into the lock. They almost fell into the room and Cid barely remembered to shut the door behind them. He stumbled forward in the dark and found a bed to collapse on, regardless of whose it was.

"Hey, Cid."

"Yeah?"

"Are you on your bed, or mine?"

"Mine."

"Oh."

"Why you ask?"

"I must be on the wrong bed."

"Why you say that?"

"You're lying on top of me."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't mention it."

"......"

"......"

"......"

"Hey, Cid."

"What?"

"You're still lying on top of me."

"...... I can't move."

"Why can't you move?"

"'Cause I'm asleep."

"No you're not."

"How do you know? What are you, my brain?"

"I know, 'cause you're having a conversation with me."

"I might be sleep-talkin'."

"Don't be stupid!"

"........"

"Cid?"

"................"

"Hey, Cid?"

"............... zzz ...... zzzzZZZZZzzzz....."

"Great."

"..zzZZZZZZZzzzz...... zzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz......."

"Cid... wake up. Wake up, Cid. Come on, wake up. Cid. CID WAKE UP!!!!"

"#%$ &£$%##&%$ %&##!!!!!!!" Cid woke up with a start.

"Please don't swear like that."

"Where the #$% am I?!" Cid asked, still drunk.

"You're on top of me, that's where! Please get off!"

Cid grumbled and with much effort, rolled over sideways and allowed Vincent to breathe properly. However, he didn't bother to move from the bed.

Vincent felt a bit restricted, what with Cid squashed up against his side on the narrow bed, but at least he wasn't being crushed anymore by the slightly more weighty pilot. What Cid lacked in height he made up for in muscle tone.

There was quiet for a long time, and Vincent closed his eyes, assuming Cid had gone back to sleep. He was thankful there was no snoring.

"Hey, Vince."

"Hmm?" Vincent tried to make out anything in the pitch black of the room, but all he could see was blackness.

"We get on well, don't we."

"I suppose we do, yes." Vincent replied.

"I'd never have seen us two getting pissed together in a bar back when I first met ya. Thought you were a bit snobbish for that kinda stuff. Y'know, cold."

"Hmm." Vincent looked in the direction of Cid's nearby voice, though he couldn't see him. "But you "cracked" me, using your own words. Perhaps I wouldn't have done this back then." Actually, Vincent _knew_ he wouldn't have.

"Yeah, I can crack anyone. 'S a special talent of mine."

"Hm." Vincent huffed his agreement.

There was more silence for a moment.

"Back in Gongaga when you ran off, I really thought I'd put my foot in it with ya, y'know?"

Vincent said nothing, both of them knew now that Cid had said the right things back then.

"I was worried that you'd end up hating me or something." Cid continued.

Vincent looked in the direction of his voice again. "Of course I didn't. I was just... mixed up."

He still felt a little mixed up. But at least the weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I know that now, but that's half the reason why I chased you out in the rain. I was worried that you'd go out and do something stupid, considering the state you were in, and worried that I'd ruined things between us, cos I think a lot of ya, y'know. We get on well, even though we're so different."

Vincent nodded silently in the dark.

"Well... sayin' that, we ain't so different in some ways..." Cid murmured thoughtfully.

Vincent said nothing, but paid attention.

Cid smiled, knowing Vincent would just listen to whatever he said without complaining. Not many people would listen to him. Not many people would listen to Vincent either, he guessed.  

"We both got pasts that we aren't proud of." Cid went quiet for a while. He'd never really talked about himself before, and he wasn't used to it. But Vincent was just so accepting... somehow he knew that no matter what he'd say, Vincent would understand.

"My... my dad used to hit my mom." He managed after a while. "Not just the occasional slap or punch, either... he used to beat the shit out of her. For nothing... Like, if a towel wasn't hung properly in the bathroom he'd get mad and kick her around the room, screaming at her. It just wasn't normal. I'd come home from school every day, dreading it... I used to join shitty after-school activity groups just so I didn't have to go home and see..." Cid swallowed. "I'd come home every day to see mom with a new injury. Sometimes dad was smart enough not to hit her in front of me, and to hit her in places she could cover up with her clothes... but sometimes he just laid into her without a thought. I hated him so #$%ing much... and I used to hate my mom for staying with him, for putting up with it... and for apologising with a bloody and swollen mouth to him for whatever pathetic thing she might've done wrong to set him off.

She was so weak! I hated her weakness, that she was always too afraid to do a #$%ing thing about it! I grew up from a kid into a teenager, and I was so full of anger. That's when I started smokin'. It was like a security thing. The more I felt stressed, the more I'd smoke. I guess it kinda stuck." He smiled faintly.  "I'd pick fights with kids at school for no reason, just to vent some of it... and it'd make things worse 'cause as soon as my dad found out he'd hit me too, and I was too weak to fight him off. The big hulking bastard. I just hated my life, I wanted to get away from all of it, to _fly away_... that's when I saw the Shinra pilot apprenticeship poster. It was advertising for a piloting apprenticeship especially for school-leavers... there were gonna be interviews for the placements in Midgar all the way over on the other continent. A chance to get away... to fly... I started packing my bags as soon as I got home. My mom was crying and begging me not to go, but I didn't care. She should leave too if she doesn't want to be apart from me, I thought, and leave that #$%er to his own devices."

Cid sighed slowly. "I was such an idiot. I was too full of myself, too ignorant to see that she couldn't leave him because he wouldn't let her. He would have killed her if she tried."

Vincent said nothing, listening quietly.

"So I left..." Cid continued. "I hitched a few rides until I finally got to Midgar, the city of dreams. Pssh. Yeah right. But back then, I was young and I was really impressed. I stayed in a hotel, and the whole novelty of it all just astounded me. So I had a good time in Midgar while I was waitin' for the interviews to start; I even saw a play at the theatre, just because I could. "Loveless", I think it was called. Yeah - "Loveless: My Bloody Valentine"." Cid grinned. "Hey Vince, think it was about you?"

Vincent grunted. "I doubt it. I'd already been asleep in the coffin for years by then."

Cid chuckled. "I was asleep for most of it myself. The guy next to me was moaning that my snoring was too loud."

"Some things never change, I see..." Vincent said wryly.

"Hey," Cid laughed, thumping Vincent's arm.

Vincent laughed softly. "So, you went for the interview?" He prompted Cid.

Cid really smiled. Vincent was listening to him, and was actually _interested_... He felt a little ridiculous for it but he felt really happy. "Yeah, I went for the interview, and put everything I had into convincing the guy into accepting me."

"Were you accepted?"

"Damn straight I was! Why do you think I'm a pilot now, Valentine?"

"All right, I was just showing interest..." Vincent said, with a slight mock-indignant tone.

Cid laughed. "I know you are. Thanks, by the way. For listening."

"No problem."

"Right..." Cid sighed, continuing. "I got the apprenticeship, and worked solid for three years, training to be a pilot. I made damn sure that I was gonna be the best pilot in the world. And I am!" Cid grinned. "So after the apprenticeship was finally over, I went straight to work as a full-fledged pilot for Shinra. I worked for 'em for years, and I gotta admit that they paid well and looked after their pilots. Then, after a few years, I was invited to talk to the President about a highly confidential matter. The President!"

"Goodness." Said Vincent.

"Yeah. That's what I was like. Kinda. But anyway, I got called up to see the President, and he said that Shinra were interested in space exploration and they were in the middle of making a space rocket in a secret location... and that they wanted me to pilot it. _Me_! Outer _space_!" Cid smiled at the memory of his excitement.

"Of course I agreed, and I commenced training to be an astronaut. It was intense training and lasted for months, before I was moved to the location of the rocket, ready for when it was launched. That's rocket town now, and it's where I met Shera. She was a mechanic that was working on the rocket, fine - tuning it until it was ready to take off. She was really timid and quiet as a mouse... she reminded me of my mom. So weak and accepting. And... well, you know the rest. I aborted the launch because dumbass Shera was still inside the #$%ing engine. So, I had to wait for the next launch date. We waited there and waited there for months, but no word came of the launch day from the head offices... until we found out one day that Shinra was no longer interested in space exploration now that they'd found out Mako was profitable. So, the launch was cancelled and the rocket's been sittin' there, gatherin' dust ever since."

He paused. "I yell at Shera because of her stopping me going to outer space, but... she makes me angry, because she just lets me yell at her. Just like mom did with my old man. I just get so frustrated with her, because she won't yell back at me... why are some people so #$%ing weak?" Cid murmured.

Vincent was silent; accepting. He knew that Cid cared for Shera deep down, because she reminded him of his mother, who he couldn't protect. His emotions left over from his youth were just distorting his way of showing it. Vincent was glad that he'd listened to Cid's story, because not only did he now feel that he'd repaid the favour Cid had done him in Gongaga, but he also felt that he understood Cid a little more than he did before. Cid really did have a heart of gold.

"Hey Vince... thanks for listening. I really mean it." He looked at Vincent, being able to make out his outline now that their eyes had become accustomed to the darkness.

"It was nothing, really. I don't mind at all."

Cid didn't speak for a moment. "Hey," he said quietly after a while. "Are we still drunk?"

Vincent paused. "..... I don't know. Probably, but not as much. I don't really understand how it works."

Cid smiled. "I must be, 'cause I wouldn't have spilled my guts to ya if I was sober."

"Actually, you're right. We must be drunk, you're talking too much rubbish to be sober." Vincent joked.

"#$% off!" Cid laughed and shoved Vincent's arm hard, nearly shoving him off the narrow bed.

Vincent laughed too and shoved Cid back, and eventually they were having a sort of amateur wrestling match, laughing until they ran out of breath.

"Cid..." Vincent puffed, pinned finally by Cid.

"Yeah?" Cid panted, grinning.

"You're on top of me again."

They laughed again, before they both went quiet.

There was an instant, when the laughter had died down and just traces of it remained in their sparkling eyes, that there was a moment of such complete understanding of each other that they just stared into each other's eyes, and for just a few seconds they were the only people in the world. 

Slowly, irresistibly, Cid bent his head and kissed Vincent softly on the lips.

Vincent was stunned for a moment, and his body automatically went rigid, but then he softened and closed his eyes as Cid kissed him again, deeper.

Cid couldn't believe he was kissing Vincent. Even more, he couldn't believe that the stoic was actually kissing him back; ardently. He felt Vincent wrap his arms around his back and his heart started to skip beats.

'You're drunk, Cid... you're both #$%ing drunk... this is going to go too far! You'll regret this in the morning!' So said a little voice in the back of Cid's mind, and Cid realised the voice was probably right just as he found his fingers trying to unbutton Vincent's shirt in the darkness.

"Whoah!" He gasped, as he pulled his lips away from their deep entanglement with Vincent's. He hurriedly scrambled off of Vincent, falling off the bed in the process and landing with a thump on his ass. He heard the bed creak a bit as Vincent sat up a little.

"U-um... uh..." Cid stammered nervously. "We, uh.. we're both drunk, and this probably ain't good... we'd regret it in the morning, so, I think I, uh... should go to sleep now. You keep that bed, I'll just go on this one over, um, over here..." He nervously scrambled up onto his feet and found the other bed with shaking hands, throwing himself onto it and wrapping himself up into a cocoon in the blanket, with his back to Vincent. He felt his face burning red. "Um... G'night..." He mumbled.

Vincent blinked, he propped himself up by raised elbows. What just happened?? One minute he and Cid were talking, then they were play-wrestling, then kissing... _kissing_... then all of a sudden Cid got off him and stammered something incoherent before going to sleep on the other bed.

He wondered if they would regret it in the morning, or even if they'd remember it. He lay back down again slowly, pulling the blanket over himself. He laid his head on the pillow.

Vincent couldn't believe it, but he had felt incredibly turned on, with Cid pinning him against the bed, kissing him like that. His heart was thundering in his chest. As he lay there, thinking about it, he realised he'd become quite excited.

In _that area_.

For one of the few times in his life, Vincent Valentine blushed bright red.

Cid woke up to pain. Pain in his head. Hot black pain.

"Urrgh..." He moaned, pulling his blanket over his head.

As his mind picked up its own pieces and fixed itself back together again, Cid recalled a dream that he'd had at some point in the night.

A dream where he and Vincent _hadn't stopped at kissing..._

He also had the vivid memory of their kiss last night burning in his mind, and coupled with the memory of the wet dream he'd had, Cid found himself... _swelling_ a little.

This was not good.

He gulped, and the pain in his head was soon overridden by panic about his current situation.  

Panic #1: He'd kissed, had wet dreams about, and was even now getting an erection over _another guy_. Not good for the manly image.

Panic #2: He couldn't get out of the bed until he'd calmed down a little, in case Vincent saw him running off to the shower with his hands covering himself. He couldn't even bring himself to look to see if he'd made a mess during that dream in the night.

Panic #3: Things were going to be SO weird with Vincent now. He had no idea of how Vincent was going to be with him... was he going to be angry with him for kissing him? Would he not be angry, but just really off with him, thinking he was a fag or something? There was even the chance that Vincent would be actually interested, and that would be weird because Cid hadn't figured out what he felt for Vincent yet...

'What you feel for him?! That's a joke! Have you looked at yourself _downstairs_ recently? If that ain't your answer, you have some serious issues, man.' Cid was beginning to hate that little voice in the back of his head.

'I'm not gay! I'm not! But why do I have feelings for Vincent? I don't understand...'

He was interrupted by Vincent calling him from somewhere outside Cid's little safety blanket cocoon.

"Cid? Are you awake?"

Cid gulped. "Uh... yeah..."

"I thought so. So, what did we have planned for today?"

Cid opened his mouth to speak, but stopped and frowned. "I... dunno...?"

"Right. It's just I went downstairs earlier to bring up some coffee and the innkeeper said that we're snowed in."

Cid sat up, throwing the cover off his head. "Snowed in?!" He quickly pulled the cover up about his waist.

Vincent looked at him strangely for a moment before continuing. "Hmm, but only for a while. Someone's coming to shovel the snow away from the doors soon, but I don't know for sure when we'll be able to leave. We may as well stay here." He sat on his own bed; he was fully dressed and his bed was perfectly made. He also looked no worse the wear for being drunk last night.

"Haven't you... got a hangover..?" Cid asked, clutching his head. Talking hurt.

"No," Said Vincent, taking off his headband and hooking it on a bed knob. His cape was hanging up on the inside of the door. "Should I?"

"Well, I dunno if you drank as much as me..." Cid muttered, his hands rubbing at his eyes. His mouth tasted like he'd licked the bottom of a canary's cage. "Vince, do you... remember anything about last night..?" He said, trying not to sound worried.

Vincent froze for a moment. He slowly looked at Cid. "Should I remember something...?" He asked carefully.

"U-um... no, I was uh, just asking because I, uh, I can't." He said, his throat tight.

Vincent seemed to visibly relax. "Oh. No, not really."

Cid sighed with relief. Then he paused, frowning. There was something then, in Vincent's body language... 

In all honesty, both of them remembered the kiss very clearly, and both thought they were the only one who remembered it.

And both of them had enjoyed it.

As for Vincent, he was feeling emotions now that he had not felt in a very long time. He felt as though Cid was opening up his heart like a flower, petal by petal, so slowly and carefully helping him to blossom into an emotionally capable person again.

Like he was helping him regain his humanity.

And to Vincent, that was the greatest and most precious gift anyone could ever give him.

Was it love?

The closeness between them had reached a peak last night, and they had ended up kissing... did Cid feel the same way too? He must, Vincent thought, because _he_ kissed _me_...

Vincent looked over at Cid, who was still sitting up in bed, frowning into thin air.

'But he was drunk last night... what if it was a mistake? He's frowning now... is he starting to remember? Please don't let any of this affect our friendship, it's the only thing I have...'

The day went on uneventfully.  The innkeeper came up to their room after an hour or so and told them they were no longer snowed in, so they wrapped up and went out into the village.

They were a bit stuck once they were out though; they hadn't really thought about it before but there was nothing else to do in Icicle Inn except make snowmen, get drunk or sleep. They'd already done two of the three and they felt themselves a little old for the other one.

So for most of the day they hung around in the bar at the inn, keeping conversation light and trivial while at the same time trying to work out the other's feelings.

This game went on for some hours; and though they drank a little at the bar they made very sure they didn't get drunk again.

They talked about lots of stuff: they talked about their mission, about Shinra, about AVALANCHE, about how strange it was that no snowflake is the same shape as another one, and many other things that they weren't thinking hard about. 

But eventually, in early evening, the conversation ran a bit dry and they just sat in nervous silence for a while, the occasional throat being cleared.

Then after a while, Cid thought, 'Hey... I'm acting like a #$%ing wimp here! Why am I so scared to get it out into the open? I vowed never to be weak or cowardly. I'm gonna clear the air!'

"Hey, Vince."

"Hmm?" Vincent looked up at him, expectantly. His normally cold red eyes looked a tiny bit scared.

"Let's go up to the room. We need to talk."

Vincent's stomach lurched. "But we've been talking for hours," he said, trying to find a way out of it. He was sure he was going to get the "I like you as a friend, but last night was a mistake" lecture.

"No, we need to _talk_." Cid said, stressing the word meaningfully. "Come on."

Vincent sighed, resigned. He and Cid stood up and made their way to the inn room.

Vincent closed the door behind him with a quiet click.

Cid paced the room slowly, his hands on his hips and his head bowed, preparing himself.

Vincent took a deep breath.

"Vince..." Cid began, looking at him. "Do you remember what happened last night? Tell the truth."

Vincent bowed his head. "Yes. We kissed." He felt his face burn.

"That's what I remember." Cid replied, in a somewhat mathematical tone. "Did you... enjoy it?"

He was being unfair, he knew, making Vincent break before he did. He excused himself by figuring it would be good emotional practice for Vincent. Yeah, that'll do it.

"........." Vincent sighed. ".....yes." He said quietly.

Cid blinked. 'He did?! Boy, I wasn't expecting that one! So... he liked it _too_...'

"Well," Said Cid, emboldened by Vincent's quiet confession. "So did I."

Vincent's head snapped up and he looked at Cid in surprise. "You did?" He said sharply.

"Yeah... I did." Cid grinned at Vincent, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I mean, _I _kissed _you_, so I must have wanted to in the first place..."

Vincent sighed with relief. "I was so worried that it was a mistake..." He murmured.

"And I was worried that you weren't interested and I'd put my foot in it again..." Cid sat down.

Vincent sat down too on a chair near the dresser.

"So... where do we go from here..?" Cid asked, smiling a little.

"....." Vincent really didn't know. Did Cid want it to become something? Did _he_ want it to become something..? It was too early to tell anything for sure, and Vincent was so unused to closeness with anybody. But he was sure that he didn't just want to leave it at one kiss and revert back a few steps with Cid, because the closer he got to Cid, the more human he felt. He was starting to feel fairly sure that the foundations of some really deep feelings he might have for Cid were growing steadily. Was it love? If not, would it eventually become love? Why Cid? Why a man? He wasn't gay. But he just had these strong feelings for Cid that could only be described as romantic, now that they had kissed, and both liked it.

He looked up from his thoughts at Cid, who was sitting on the bed. The same bed they had kissed on.

Cid smiled softly at Vincent and beckoned with his hand for Vincent to come sit next to him.

Vincent gulped, his stomach in knots. He stood up and went over to Cid slowly, sitting next to him as asked.

Cid turned to face him, and nervously reached out a hand, gloves removed, to touch the long ebony hair that flowed over Vincent's shoulders. The touch turned into a caress, and Vincent felt shivers at the back of his neck.

"We should try it again, but sober..." Cid murmured under his breath. "Just to check." His hand moved up from Vincent's hair to touch his face.

Vincent's eyes were shining. "Yes, just... to check..."

They both leaned in slowly, their hearts thundering in their ears, and closed their eyes as their lips met. They were not as bold as the previous night, having then been emboldened by alcohol.

This time it was a ghost of a kiss, each of them too nervous of rejection to press more firmly or to deepen their kiss.

Vincent revelled at the touch of Cid's lips. They were just so... kissable. He wanted to kiss them properly, but he was just too nervous.

As usual, it was up to Cid to press the matter, and he cupped the back of Vincent's head with his hand and, plucking up the courage, kissed him more deeply.

This one was even deeper now than the one last night. Once Cid had put effort into it, Vincent responded in kind, and they were kissing for an age before they mutually pulled back, breathless.

"That was good," Cid breathed, his hair ruffled by Vincent's hands.

"Mm... yeah." Vincent agreed, his lips reddened and a little swollen from the kiss.

"Again?" Cid suggested, his eyes glittering.

"Okay." Vincent pulled him close again and they continued to kiss for the majority of the next hour.

The evening turned into night, and the next day came and went, until it was time for them to leave for the Gaea Cliffs. Their kissing had stayed at just that; kissing, for the moment. They both felt it was a bit early on to take it any further or to delve into feelings that were only just unravelling.

They felt a little sad to leave the snowy little village though, as they would now have to start concentrating on their mission with AVALANCHE to stop Sephiroth.

Their time in Icicle Inn had been almost like a little holiday, and they both felt rested for it.

Vincent put on his cape, holstered his gun and made sure his materia was in check, then took a last look around the room.

"Ready to go, Vin?" Cid asked, affectionately shortening Vincent's name even more.

"Yes." Vincent said quietly. "But... just one last kiss here." He looked at Cid, who smiled and welcomed the chance to kiss him again. They both knew they couldn't do this so much when they were back with the team.

So, after a final kiss, they left the room, checked out of the inn, and left Icicle Inn.


	6. Warmth among the Snow

"So how the #$% are we supposed to get down _there_?!"

"........"

The pair of them peered down the vast snowy slope, which in all honesty was more like an outwardly sloping cliff-face. It was for hardcore snowboarders, but not only were Cid and Vincent _not_ hardcore snowboarders, they didn't even have a board between them to _try_.

Cid was about to speak when a kid behind them pelted him in the back of the head with a snowball.

Piff!

"#$%! #$%in' kids!" He brandished his fist at the kids who were running away laughing.

Vincent smirked.

"What the #$% are you laughing at, Valentine?" Cid demanded.

"I'm not laughing. I'm smirking." Vincent said.

Cid grumbled something incoherent, probably rude words, as he rubbed the snow out of his hair.

"Right, now we gotta find a way to get do-"

Piff!

Cid got pelted by an even bigger snowball.

"Why won't these kids leave me the #$% alone?!" He shouted. He stooped angrily and grabbed up a load of snow and started hurling it violently in chunks at the now screaming kids. "#$% OFF!" He yelled, pelting the kids hard until they ran away, crying.

Cid chuckled darkly in that gravelly voice of his, his burning cig still firmly planted in his mouth.

Vincent shook his head.    

"Right, for the last #$%in' time, how are w-"

PIFF!

Cid sort of went "AAAaagggghhh..." as he rolled down the steep slope.

"CID!" Vincent shouted, not knowing what to do. He turned around sharply to see one of the kids' older brothers armed with gigantic snowballs. One of them had knocked Cid down the slope.

"What have you done?!" Vincent shouted. "You idiots! W-"

Vincent didn't get to finish his sentence, as a flying giant snowball easily knocked his slight weight down the slope as well.

"That'll teach 'em!" Said the burly older brother. "NO ONE throws snowballs back at the Icicle Inn kids and gets away with it!"

Vincent opened his eyes slowly, as he regained consciousness. He lay still, unthinking for a moment, as his mind came back to him. He could only see white, and he was very cold.

He tried to get up, but a weight was holding him down. After a moment of confused struggling, he realised the warm weight on top of him was Cid.

"Cid..." Vincent mumbled, trying to wake up the unconscious pilot. "Cid... wake up..."

Cid wouldn't wake up.

Vincent just managed to twist around underneath him so that he was lying on his back, and he lifted Cid's head with his claw. Cid's face was almost blue with cold, and frosty snow was stuck to his hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. He wouldn't last long in this cold...

Cid had landed in the snow first, but when Vincent had landed and couldn't come to yet, Cid had lain over him to keep him warm until he woke up. Acting selflessly, Cid had passed out from the cold...

"Come on, Cid..." Vincent murmured as he put effort into rolling Cid off of him. "I've got to get you out of here..." He stood up, looking around to get his bearings. It was a snowy wasteland, and a cold blizzard was blowing snow into his eyes. Cid was going to get hypothermia if he stayed here much longer...

It's quite amazing what determination, desperation and compassion for another human being can drive the body and mind to overcome. Vincent normally would not be able to lift the much heavier Cid due to the thinness and lack of muscle in his own body, but his concern for Cid's life made him take off his own cloak, wrap Cid up in it and pick up the pilot, carrying on his back him through the snowy wastelands for the best part of two hours.

Cid woke for a few moments every now and then, and saw that Vincent was carrying him, and he was wrapped in Vincent's cloak. Vincent was only wearing a shirt. He must have been freezing...

But on and on Vincent walked, under the heavy weight, on into the ever freezing blizzards.

"Like, I hope Cloud's okay. That guy Mr Holzoff says he's still asleep in there. I wish I could speak to him to find out what the hell's going on... Like, where's Aeris? He said he found her." Yuffie complained, hopping up and down to dispel the cold.

"I do not know." Said Red XIII, quietly. I feel like something is not quite right."

"Yeah, and where's Cid and Vincent? They're late. I hope nothing happened to 'em..." Cait Sith said, looking out behind them at the vast expanses of wasteland.

"Well, at least we won't have to listen to that old fart swearing so much all the time..." Yuffie muttered, folding her arms and kicking at a mound of snow with her sneaker. "And it's not as if Vincent's a valuable member of the team, is he? Still, it's a shame, all that materia... lost..." She sighed.

Cait Sith threw his megaphone at her. "Hey! That ain't nice!"

Yuffie dodged it easily. "Okay, okay... I was just kidding! Gawd, can't you guys take a joke?"

Red growled and sat down, his fiery tail flicking in annoyance. "You should have more respect, Yuffie."

"Yeah yeah... whatever..." Yuffie rolled her eyes and looked out at the snowy blizzards behind them. Boy, was she glad to have it _behind her_, and not in front.

As her eyes roved over the endless whiteness, she stopped dead, frowning.

"Um... guys, what's that over there?"

"I don't see anythin'..." Cait Sith said, shading his eyes dramatically as he followed her gaze.

Red paced forward and squinted. "Where..." His eyes rested upon a figure staggering towards them in the distance, very slowly.

"It... it's Vince!" Yuffie cried. "What's wrong with him? Is that Cid he's carrying on his back?!"

Just as the others saw who it was clearly, the distant figure of Vincent collapsed into the snow.

For all of Yuffie's careless talk before, she was the first one to run over to them.

"Hey, are you guys okay?! Oh my GAWD... RED! CAIT SITH! GET OVER HERE!"

The wolf-lion and the toy cat immediately ran over as fast as they could, surveying the scene.

Vincent was lying face down in the snow, fainted with the cold and exhaustion. Cid was lying on top of him, from where Vincent had struggled on, carrying the heavier pilot on his back. Cid was still wrapped in Vincent's cloak.

"Come on, we gotta get these guys to Mr. Holzoff's, quick!"

Somehow between them, Yuffie and Red managed to drag Cid over to Mr Holzoff's house whilst Cait Sith's giant Moogle scooped Vincent up in it's arms and followed them over to the house.

"Uurrrgh."

"He's waking up!"

"Unnngh... where am I...." Cid groaned.

"Cid! We were worried about you!"

"Vin..? What the #$% happened, Vin? The kids, the snowballs... then I fell..."

"Oh my GAWD, he's gone crazy in the head... must be the cold I guess..."

Cid frowned. "Oh my Gawd"?? Didn't sound like Vin...

"Like, helLOOO! Is anyone home?"

Cid's eyes snapped open. "The #$%?! Brat?! Where the #$%'s Vin?" He sat up quickly and groaned, grabbing his head as it flooded with pain.

"Brat?!" Yuffie crowed. "I totally save your sorry lives, and you call me a brat?! You miserable old fart! I'm totally going to ignore you now!" She stood up with a huff and left the room.

Cid grunted. He was about to lie down again when he thought of Vincent. "Shit! Vin! Where is he?!" He started to look around in panic before he saw Vincent sleeping peacefully somewhere beside him on the big fluffy rug by the fireplace.

Cid smiled with relief, and then remembered what he could about their fall from the slope. He'd fallen first, and Vincent had landed soon after, but had been knocked out. Cid was too shaky himself to carry Vincent around in the cold, so he'd decided to lie over him to keep him warm until he woke up.

Silly move really, because the cold gradually ate away at Cid until he passed out.

Then, a blank... just a couple of vague recollections of being carried by Vincent through the snow, wrapped in Vincent's cloak...

He sighed, shaking his head as he looked at Vincent's pale face, framed by his ebony hair spread around his head on the rug like a corona.

After he'd risked his life to keep Vincent warm in the snow, Vincent had repaid the favour tenfold by giving up his cloak and _carrying_ him, the _heavier_ one, for hours... He seriously could have died doing that. Or could he..? No one knew if Vincent actually _could_ die. But he had risked it, and he had paid for it. 

Cid smiled down at the sleeping face beside him, lightly running his fingers down Vincent's cheek. "Stupid idiot..." He whispered, somewhat fondly. He leant down and placed a light kiss on the pale lips that were slowly warming up.

Vincent's eyes slowly fluttered open, and focused on Cid after a moment's confusion.

"Cid... you're okay..." Vincent murmured.

"Yeah, and so are you, thank god." Cid smiled. "What you did back there in the snow... it was really stupid, y'know. ... And brave. Thanks..."

Vincent smiled at him.

"But!" Cid continued. "I don't ever want you to do anything like that again, okay?"

"Okay." Vincent said quietly, smiling up at Cid.

They remained like that for a while, Cid leaning his face over Vincent's; the pair of them just gazing at the other, their features lit up by the golden red glow of the quietly crackling fire.

The spell was broken by Yuffie bursting in, and Cid threw himself off Vincent in a panic, sitting up straight and trying his best to look like he'd been nowhere near Vincent.

It wasn't a very convincing attempt, and Yuffie stopped what she was halfway through saying to give him a very strange look.

Vincent was looking at Yuffie with wide, blinking eyes. She'd walked in on them, just as they were going to kiss...

"Um, are you guys... okay?" She asked, looking first at Cid, then at Vincent.

"Yeah, yeah, we're, um, great, yeah - great." Cid nodded enthusiastically. "Vince here just woke up and I was, uh, seeing if he's okay." He looked at Vincent. "You okay, Vince?"

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. Great in fact." Vincent nodded at him, then at Yuffie.

Although somewhat fixedly, he smiled.

Yuffie blinked. She'd never seen Vincent smile. 'Something weird's going on here...' She thought.

"Right... well I'm glad you're okay..." She said offhandedly. "I was gonna say, Cloud's already here. He was here with Tifa and Barret well before any of us got here... they're resting upstairs."

Cid frowned. "They're already here...? Speaking of which, how did you get here so quick? We left for Icicle Inn the minute Cloud phoned us when we were back in Gongaga. We should have been the first ones here?"

Yuffie laughed at him. "You really ARE  an old fart! You set off before any of us, and you're the last one here?"

Cid snorted. "You must be deaf. Cloud said to meet here at the base of the cliff in three days, and it's been exactly that."

Yuffie groaned and slapped her hand over her eyes. "He said TWO days, you stupid old man!"

Cid was taken aback. "#$% off! He said three da-" He paused. Vincent looked at him questioningly from his lying down position on the rug.

Cid groaned. "#$%. Two days. TWO days... the kid's right. I- HEY! Stupid old man?!? Get the #$% over here so I can kick your ass!!" Cid got up and made to storm over to Yuffie, who yelped and fled from the room. He growled, shaking his head.

Vincent sat up and stretched. He felt very warm now. "So... it was two days?"

Cid sighed and sat next to him again. "Yeah. I remember now." He sighed. "Maybe the brat's right, maybe I am gettin' old..."

Vincent laughed softly. "Don't be silly. How old are you?"

"Thirty two..."

"Thirty two? That's not old at all. You're in your prime, Cid."

Cid grinned. "I'm older than you, pal."

"Are you so sure?" Vincent asked.

"Yeah I'm sure! I mean look at you, you can't be a day over twenty six."

Vincent smiled faintly. "Twenty seven, actually, before... before Hojo changed me."

Cid frowned. "How... long ago was that?" He asked slowly.

"Let's see..." Vincent sighed. "Sephiroth was not yet born... what is he now, thirty? So that makes me..."

"Fifty seven?!" Cid said incredulously.

"Yes. Fifty seven." Vincent smiled. There was not a wrinkle or grey hair to be seen on his perfect face.

"#$%... you gotta tell me what face cream you use. I gotta get me some of that!" Cid exclaimed.

"Does my age bother you?" Vincent asked, alluding to Cid's kissing him.

"No... not at all..." Cid replied honestly. "So... your body clock stopped at twenty seven? So you can't age?"

"That's right."

"Wow..." Cid smiled. "So that's why you're so mature, huh!"

Vincent lowered his head. "You make my condition sound like a _good_ thing..."

Cid grabbed Vincent's lowered chin and raised it again to stare into his eyes. "Hey. Don't go all angsty on me again. I told you. You've got to stop thinking of yourself like that. Right?"

Vincent looked into Cid's kind blue eyes and smiled faintly. Why was just looking into Cid's eyes making his heart feel like it was swelling against his ribcage? He closed his eyes and Cid's arms folded about him, pulling him close.

He nestled his face in the crook of Cid's neck, and let the pilot's warmth soothe away all his fears, if only for those few moments. It was so tender; that embrace.  

I can't remember if I realised it then, but I loved him. Right at that moment, in that embrace. So warm and full of tenderness... I had never experienced love before. Not so... unconditional.

Just the way he held me tight... my face buried in his neck. His strong arms holding me tightly to him and making me feel so secure...

Our closeness seemed to grow deeper and deeper with each passing minute. The more we were in each other's company, the more we talked, the more we bonded as people, and our feelings for each other became deeper.

Really, it was a first for both of us in many ways, as not only had neither of us experienced such a true bond before but also because neither of us had ever considered being romantically involved with another male. Not that this bothered us of course, we were beyond that. Our relationship with each other soared past all such petty taboos as gender or sexuality. We were just two people who cared deeply for each other, and that was all that mattered.

"Thank you so much... for saving me back there, Vin." Cid murmured, still holding Vincent tight.

Vincent squeezed Cid back. "I couldn't do anything else... I couldn't have left you there..."

Cid released Vincent slowly, and sat back. His eyes shone. "Y'know, Vin... you mean so much to me. I-"

Cid was cut off by Cait Sith opening the door. Cid and Vincent both turned to look at the cat.

"Are you guys ready? We're takin' off for the cliffs in a few, Cloud's awake and he's talkin' to Mr Holzoff upstairs. See ya outside!" With that, the toy cat left again, closing the door behind him.

Cid and Vincent looked at each other, Cid sighed. "Well, Vin... looks like we gotta be more careful from now on, huh? Our little holiday's over..."

Vincent nodded. He knew what Cid meant. They couldn't be caught out kissing or embracing each other; not yet at any rate.

"Regrettable..." Said Vincent, smiling grimly. "I was just getting used to it, Highwind..."

Cid grinned. "Come on." He stood up and offered Vincent a hand, pulling him to his feet. "You'll be needin' this back." He picked up Vincent's cape and fastened it around Vincent's shoulders, doing up the catches. "There."

Vincent smiled a little and responded by buttoning up Cid's jacket and plumping up the scarf around his neck. "You should keep this buttoned up, in this weather..."

Cid groaned. "Vin... I hate this buttoned up. What are you, my #$%ing mother?" He laughed.

Vincent smiled, and checked that all his things were prepared. "Let's go."

They were all waiting outside when Cloud emerged from the house.

He looked tired... so worn down.

It was only once they had started off for the cliffs that Barret had come down to each member of the team to explain what had happened...

That Aeris had died.

Each person reacted differently. Neither Cloud nor Tifa could bring themselves to talk about it, and they took solace with each other.

As Barret told each of them with a heavy heart, hating to have to keep repeating the horrible words over and over again, he had to bear the brunt of the more emotional reactions.

Yuffie burst into tears and collapsed into Barret's arms, sobbing. Cid remembered seeing her shoulders shake with the sobs, and he felt kinda sick.

He told Cid and Vincent next... Cid felt his eyes fill up with tears, although they never fell. He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, his lips tight around his ever burning cig. That poor girl... she was so sweet and innocent... so pure. What heartless bastard could bring himself to lay a finger on someone like that...

Sephiroth, that's who.

Vincent had merely closed his eyes. Lucrecia's son... he had struck again. There was no denying it now... Sephiroth had to die. But now, Vincent realized he would feel no hesitation upon pulling that final trigger.

For Aeris.

Cid looked at him when Barret had moved on, rubbing his eyes briskly to get rid of the tears that were forming.

"#$%... This is so #$%ing horrible. I can't believe it..."

Vincent just stood there, stoically, looking into the distance.

Cid shook his shoulder. "Vince!" Vincent didn't react. His face was cold and emotionless, just like it used to be when Cid first met him.

"Vince, don't go all cold on me, not now!" Cid cried. "Say something! Aren't you sad?!"

Vincent looked at him, and there was something akin to pain in his eyes. "No." He said simply. He was looking at Cid strangely, almost as if he was examining the pilot's reaction to the terrible news of Aeris' death.

"But why?!" Cid asked desperately.

"Because..." Vincent sighed. "You've taught me to be happy, you've taught me to care. You haven't taught me to be sad yet." With that, Vincent walked off in the direction of the others who were starting up the cliff.

Cid didn't get to talk to Vincent for a long time after that. Because Vincent had wandered off ahead, as if he was offended by Cid's emotional question of why the hell didn't Vincent feel anything for the poor dead flower girl.

Cid wound up with Barret and Yuffie for companions, while Vincent had caught up with and joined Cloud and Tifa.

Cid hated it; being apart from Vincent and being on uncomfortable terms with him. He found himself getting angry and really sticking it to the monsters that pestered them constantly as they slowly scaled the cliff. Neither Barret nor Yuffie were very cheerful either, because of the death of Aeris still hanging over them like a pall.

Cid felt ashamed at himself many a time as they moved on up the cliff, because more often than not he found himself thinking more about Vincent being strange with him than about Aeris. 

But the more he tried to make himself think of Aeris out of guilt, the more he found that it wasn't affecting him as much as he thought it was.

He felt terrible for it.

'But you really didn't know her all that well... or for very long. And there was you giving poor Vin a hard time about it... you know how hard it is for him to show emotion.' Cid rebuked himself.

Oh dear. What a mess he was in now...

A couple of days traveling up the cliff, and Cid was well and truly fed up. He was hungry and only had his meagre travel supplies purchased from Icicle Inn to keep him going. He was tired and cold and longed for the nice warm bed he'd left behind in the snowy village... He was missing Vincent's strong silent company and was wondering what he'd say to him when they got to talk again.

He'd apologise first, that was straight off. He wanted to get this stupid mission over and done with so he could relax.

Eventually, the Gaea Cliffs were conquered and the incident with Cloud and Sephiroth occurred in the North Crater...

Cloud retrieved the black materia at last from Sephiroth, only to give it back to him later whilst under the control of Sephiroth's powerful will.

Even Shinra had turned up, believing the North Crater at the end of Gaea's Cliffs to be the promised land.

But as soon as Cloud had handed over the black materia to Sephiroth again, Sephiroth had immediately began to summon Meteor...

This was when the emergency call of the planet had awoken the Weapons, who had been sleeping deep inside the crater for many thousands of years. Sensing the threat to their planet, they awoke with thunderous rage and tore free of their moorings, all but collapsing the crater in on itself.

President Rufus, in a show of seeming kindness, took all of AVALANCHE aboard the Highwind airship (named after it's former Shinra pilot, Cid) and they had all escaped safely from the chaos that was ensuing in the North Crater.

All but Cloud...

Well, that's all for this week. sorry this chapter wasn't all that interesting, but I've found myself trudging along with the story of the game, and that's just what I didn't want to do when I started this, so expect a bit of a leap forward into the plot in the next chapter.

By the way, in case you ain't noticed, I fixed the formatting of these two offending chapters. Hurrah!


	7. Escape

****

Cid had a dream.

He dreamt that he was searching for Vincent all over the planet and could not find a trace of him anywhere. He ran on endlessly through valleys, over mountains, through the frozen snowy wastelands and through the burning deserts. 

At last when he could run no more and he was utterly broken, he let out an ear shattering scream.

Cid woke up with a start, to find he actually _had_ screamed. 

He slowly calmed down and his heaving breaths returned to normal. He sighed and wiped the perspiration from his brow, sitting up in the hard narrow bed, hunched forward.

He took a look at the tiny barred window of his cell. He'd been imprisoned in Junon for about six days now... After Rufus had rescued them all from a grizzly fate by taking them away on the Highwind, he had then shown his true colours by throwing them all in the cells. Cid had no idea where any of the others were, for they had mostly been segregated from each other and placed in cells that were far apart. 

Small meals were brought to Cid's cell twice a say, though it was hardly enough to feed a child. Whenever a guard came by to push the tray through a small gap in the bottom of the door, Cid would yell at him and demand what was going on and when he would be let out. The guard would merely tell him to shut up and walk away again.

Sometimes Cid would yell and shout and bang on the door, but it got him nowhere. So after a while he just sort of gave up and took to sleeping most of the time away. But he kept having these dreams... not all about Vincent. Some were just horrible nightmares of never getting out of this prison, of growing old and dying in this place. But most of all he dreamt about Vincent. They were strange dreams that didn't make any sense... the most recurring image was Vincent walking away from him at a beach; the sun setting and setting the sky alight with a crimson glow. He'd try to shout out to him, but his voice just wouldn't come, and he didn't know what he would say anyway. Then he'd wake up. 

Cid lay back down on the bed again with a huff. It had been over a week since he'd spoken to Vincent... ever since they'd been told about Aeris' death. 

This estrangement from Vincent... it was hitting him harder than he thought it would. He thought wistfully of the few days they'd had in Icicle Inn, that night they'd kissed in the dark...

He rolled onto his side, utterly miserable. Now it had all been ruined by him opening his big mouth about Vincent's difficulty with emotion. Just like in Gongaga. 

But this time Cid hadn't got the chance to chase him and talk it over... and he felt now that there was a rift between them that he desperately needed to fill. Vincent was his best friend, and... he had these strong feelings that he couldn't quite describe. He felt so confused. He'd never had any of this crap before with women, he'd just dated them, liked them for a while, maybe some stuff happened and then they were gone. It was no big deal. But this thing with Vincent was so different... Cid wasn't even sure if it was a physical thing or not.

'Christ, I need to fuckin' talk to him...' He thought miserably as his thoughts swamped his mind.

"You in there!"

Cid sat up in a flash.

"You lettin' me the fuck outta here?" Cid yelled back to the door.

There was the sound of keys jangling and the locks being opened. The cell door opened properly for the first time in a week. 

"You and the other prisoners are to assemble in front of the President. You are to be interrogated."

A plan to escape had hatched in Cid's mind even before he left the cell. As soon as they got into a place that was good and open with somewhere to run, Cid was going to drop the guard and make for the airport to steal back his precious Highwind.

His heartbeat was thumping with anticipation as the guard led him through various corridors and he waited patiently for his moment.

Junon's prisoner holding areas were not pleasant. They were greys and dull metal colours, concrete and dust. Cid heard numerous prisoners crying for help from their cells as he passed and he shuddered. At least he was getting out, for a while at least.

The guard didn't seem in the least bit suspicious of Cid as he led him on. This led Cid to wonder if this was because escape was impossible?

But then he grinned, checking himself. He was Cid Highwind; _anything_ was possible. 

The moment came. Cid paced himself before making a lightning fast lunge at the guard's legs, bringing him down with a thump before knocking him out cold with a blow to the head. Cid didn't notice the alarm button in the guard's hand, nor that he'd pressed it as Cid had brought him to the ground. 

Alarms immediately started to go off!

"Fuck!!" Cid exclaimed, looking around desperately for cover. He sprinted along the yard and back through some corridors only to almost crash into a group of armed guards running at full speed towards him.

"Shi-!" Cid screeched to a halt and scrambled back to run the other way, all the way back across the yard.

He stopped dead in his tracks as another group of armed guards came running over to him from that direction too. He was trapped.

As the guards circled him, their guns pointed at him, his hands slowly raised as he realised there was no way out of this one.

"Well, that's your chance for a pardon well and truly gone... Shinra law states that prisoners attempting to escape are to be shot dead on sight..." The head guard smiled grimly under his Shinra soldier mask as he slowly squeezed the trigger.

Cid closed his eyes tight. This was the end...

CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK.

Cid held his eyes tight shut still. He had heard the gun go off, but why didn't he feel anything? He slowly opened his eyes and saw the guard that had fired the shots. 

Cid stared in confusion... the head guard... he had shot all of the other guards stone dead! 

Wait... that wasn't a Shinra gun...

"That is what Shinra law states... but, I no longer work for Shinra."

Cid gawped like an idiot as the head guard whipped off his mask, and long black hair tumbled down his back.

"Vince!!" Cid exclaimed, a huge grin spreading across his face.

Vincent dropped the mask and re-holstered his gun. "Who were you expecting?" He said coolly. 

Cid ran over to him and threw his arms around him, gripping tight.

At first Vincent went rigid as he remembered their somewhat abrasive last encounter, but as usual his reserve melted in Cid's warmth. He folded his arms around Cid too and smiled.

"Christ, am I glad to see _you_..." Cid murmured. "How did you escape?"

"Well," Vincent started, still in the embrace. "I tried hiding under the bed when the guard came with the tray of food. When he thought I wasn't in there, he came in. It was the last mistake he was ever to make. I took his clothes and hid him under the bed. When I came out of the cell, I was just another guard."

Cid pulled back from Vincent's arms to smile at him unbelievingly. "You are fucking amazing. Why didn't I think of that?" Cid laughed.

"Well, I am an ex-Turk you know." 

"Yeah, no fuckin' shit!" Cid grinned. "So, now we can execute _my_ plan."

Vincent arched a brow. "Oh? And what would that be?"

"We storm the airport and take the Highwind!" Cid punched his palm with his fist to stress his point. "Then we can figure out how to bust everyone else out!" 

Vincent smiled. "Sounds very exciting. But perhaps you should borrow a guard uniform so we can release the others first, _then_ take the Highwind?"

Cid frowned. "Huh. Yeah, never thought of that. Well, good idea!" He looked down at the array of bodies. "Let's see now... Nope, too bloodstained..." Cid shivered as he examined the state of the uniforms of the dead guards. Most of them were far too bloodied to be worn and still pass as normal. 

"We should hide these bodies, someone will see 'em and raise the alarm." Cid muttered as he found a relatively clean uniform on a guard that had been shot only in the head.

"Hmm. We should." Said Vincent as Cid started to change into the guard uniform. 

Cid unbuckled his pants and dropped them, stepping out of the legs. Of course, Cid was wearing shorts underneath as he didn't believe in going commando. Vincent watched for a moment before he found himself going a little hot in the face and hastily turned the other way, trying to keep his cool demeanour.

Cid had pulled on the Shinra pants and had just removed his shirt when he realised Vincent had turned away. He was about to start wondering why when he realised it was because he was getting changed. 

Thoughts that until recently were alien to him started to rear up in his mind, but he checked himself quickly. There was no time to be thinking anything along those lines, they were in danger!

But as he pulled on and fastened the Shinra jacket he couldn't help but wonder if Vincent was physically attracted to him as well as the emotional closeness that they shared. Was that why he turned away? Because he was embarrassed? Cid pulled on the Shinra boots and wondered what Vincent would look like under all those clothes he always wore... He stopped, finding his cheeks burning. The very fact that he was thinking these thoughts kind of scared him. He wasn't like that...

'But what about the night in Icicle Inn?' His mind asked him. 

'Well, I was drunk,' he answered back. 

'Ah, but you weren't in the morning, were you? When you got a bit excited downstairs just thinking about it? And surely you haven't forgotten all the kisses since then?'

'Well, no, but... what I mean is.. it's just Vincent. We're like that because we're such close friends.'

'I don't think close friends usually French-kiss one another unless they're more than just close friends.'

'Oh, will you just shut the fuck up?! I'm confused, okay?!'

Cid's mind shut up but with a smug air that just screamed "Okay, but I won.".

"Ready?" Vincent asked him.

"Yeah..." Said Cid, picking a mask from a soldier that hadn't been shot in the head. He had to shudder at the thought that Vincent could kill so easily and unemotionally, even though they were enemies. They were still people.

So with both their disguises complete, they hid the bodies of the dead guards under some crates in a far corner of the yard and went about their search for their incarcerated team-mates.

*

As it turned out, the members of AVALANCHE were arranged in a distinct pattern amongst the cell blocks. Cid had been in the third cell of Block C. Vincent had been in the fourth cell of Block D. They subsequently found Yuffie and the inanimate Cait Sith in Cell 2B, Red XIII was in E5.

They searched the entire structure from top to bottom, but could not locate Barret or Tifa anywhere...

Cid and Vincent went back to the cell containing Yuffie and Cait Sith. They had not yet released any of them, as there weren't any disguises for them and they thought it best to know where everyone was before they busted out and made for the airport.

"Hey, Shinra!" Cid hissed through the bars of the cell door.

Yuffie kicked Cit Sith repeatedly until he sprang to life. "Huh?! Who?! Where? Oh, sorry guys. I was takin' five while we're all stuck in here." He sighed melodramatically and scratched a tally on the crumbling cell wall with his claw before whipping out a harmonica from behind the Giant Moogle's ear and playing a bluesy tune.

"Cut it out!" Cid hissed impatiently. "Do you know where they're keepin' Barret and Tifa?" he asked the toy cat.

Cait Sith guiltily put away his harmonica. "Um, they're considered the leaders of AVALANCHE apart from Cloud, right? They'll be kept in the special high security cells up top near where the fat cats are. I'm sure of it!"

"Shit..." Cid murmured. "How are we gonna bust 'em out of that place?! This won't be easy."

Vincent gently moved Cid aside and peered through the bars of the cell door. "Cait, have you been to the high security area? Could you perhaps give me a rough guide of the building's plan? Maybe I can infiltrate it alone."

Cid shoved at Vincent's arm, frowning. "Hey! I ain't lettin' you go up there alone!! You know what they'll do to you if you get caught?!"

Vincent looked at him for a moment. "I'll be fine, Cid..." He protested.

"I don't care. You'll do as I say and take me as well, or I'll have to kick your ass back in gear. You got me?" Cid admonished.

Vincent smiled at him.

Yuffie sat on the bed in the back of the cell, watching this exchange with curious interest. Cid and Vincent had been really close lately, ever since they left Gongaga... they were acting like some kind of weird married couple, with Cid as the nagging wife figure. It was really weird. But funny, too. 

'Something I don't quite understand yet is going on here...' She thought to herself.

"Wait, wait, you guys!" Cait Sith exclaimed. "Don't none of ya go up there, I got a plan!"

Cid quickly pressed his face against the bars. "I'm listenin'..."

"I heard from the President that news reporters and TV crews are gonna be here to film the exe- uh, whatever's goin on up there, so maybe me an' Yuffie could go up disguised as reporters? We can get the jump on 'em and rescue Tifa and Barret!"

Yuffie sat up straight. "WHAT? Why does it have to be ME that goes headfirst into danger?! I'm a LADY!"

"But we need a bimbo to pose as the female news reporter!" Cait Sith argued.

"WHAT?! The NERVE!!" She yelled and flew at the toy cat with her fists. After a few seconds of the ensuing slapstick chase around the cell, Cid told them to stop it in his most discreet way.

"STOP FUCKING AROUND, WILLYA?!"

Vincent sighed at the obscenity.

Yuffie gasped. "You vile old man! Stop swearing at me!"

"I will if you get your skinny female ass up there and pose as a reporter, like the cat says! It's the best plan we got so far!"

"Fine!" Yuffie agreed reluctantly. "But where are we gonna get the costumes?"

"Right here!" Exclaimed Cait Sith, and he reached down the back of his Moogle, unzipping it and producing two costumes from amidst the stuffing.

Cid batted the side of his own head with the heel of his hand a few times. "Just one word... HOW?!"

"Why?" Suggested Vincent.

Yuffie pulled on the reporter outfit over her own clothes and Cait Sith draped the huge overcoat around his Moogle putting on a hat and a false face ensemble with all-in-one glasses, fake nose and moustache. 

"All set!" He said. "Now get us out of here!"

Vincent produced the keys he'd taken from the guard he'd originally stolen his uniform from and unlocked the cell with them. 

"Right," Said Cait Sith when they were standing outside the cell. "You guys get Red and go up to the airport, wait for us there! We'll get Tifa and Barret out for sure!"

"Okay. Be careful, alright?" Cid warned.

Cait Sith and Yuffie sped on up the corridor, making their way to the high security area where Tifa and Barret were being held. 

"What were you saying before?" She asked the cat as they ran. "About what was being filmed..?"

"Oh yeah, the execution." Cait Sith said nonchalantly. 

"THE WHAT?!" Yuffie yelled.

"The execution! I couldn't tell Cid or Vincent that Barret and Tifa are gonna be executed live on TV, because they'd only get all heroic and rush on up there. This plan will work better, see."

Yuffie couldn't get over this news. "EXECUTED?! Live on TV?! Isn't that illegal?!"

"This is Shinra, and Shinra make the laws now..." Cait Sith said somewhat regretfully. "But doncha worry none! We'll save 'em!"

And with that, they hurried on to carry out their plan.

***

"Where the hell are they?" Cid muttered, pacing to and fro at the entrance to the airport, with the newly unconfined Red sitting at Vincent's feet.

Vincent was quiet. He wondered if Cait Sith really was on their side, after the incident at the Gold Saucer when he had given their keystone to the Shinra. 

Cid was just about to declare he wouldn't wait much longer when an alarm started going off very loud, and red flashing lights went off everywhere. The three of them looked around in a panic, believing themselves discovered.

"Shit! They must have found the bodies of the dead guards!" Cid muttered.

"Or they found the prisoners are missing?" Red suggested, his fur bristling.

Vincent narrowed his eyes and looked across at the soldiers running about desperately below the airport. A panicked and confused voice was shouting orders over the intercom...

"Weapon." Vincent said simply.

He was right. 

A Weapon was heading straight for Junon at ever-increasing speed, and the Shinra was truly in a state of panic perhaps for the first time in many, many years. Perhaps the first time ever.

"Come on. We'll make our way to the Highwind." Vincent said, and sprinted off to the upper level of the airport up the elevator, with Cid and Red in close pursuit.

The three of them clambered aboard and into the huge cockpit. Cid beamed as he ran his hands over the steering wheel. "Ahh, it's been a long time, baby!" He chuckled as he ran his fingers over the familiar levers. "Hey, what are those things there?" He said, pointing at a couple of levers he'd never seen before. "Damn Shinra, takin' my ship away and fuckin' remodellin' it without me knowin..." He muttered. But he was still generally very happy to have his ship back. He was determined that the Shinra would not lay their hands on it again.

The three of them went up to the large front window and peered out. Sure enough, Weapon was right outside Junon, blasting away at it's foremost metal structure. They witnessed the Junon Cannon charge up its final shot and take off Weapon's head in one clean blast!

After a moment of awed silence, Red stood up on all four paws and growled. "Look! Look! Someone is climbing out of the hole in the structure!" He pointed with his paw in the direction of a distant figure emerging from the tear in the metal that Weapon had burned into the structure before it had been decapitated. The figure was carefully climbing down the outer metal wall, down towards the cannon...

"It's Tifa!! Fuck!!" Cid shouted. "I'm taking the Highwind down there; she's gonna fall!!" Cid raced over to the wheel and was just booting up the flight system when shouts of "WAIT!!" started to come from the outside corridor of the ship, and the threesome of Cait Sith, Yuffie and now with Barret raced in, breathless.

"Yo! Wait for us! We can't take off yet, we gotta save Tifa, foo'!" Barret yelled at Cid.

Cid scowled at him. "The fuck you think I'm takin' off FOR, you moron? Don't piss yer pants!" He growled and yanked a lever, making the Highwind jolt up into the air. "Crap, I gotta get used to the controls again... gnh!" With a forceful yank, Cid pulled the wheel into place and they flew off towards the Junon cannon.

"Whoooooo -hoooooo!" Cid yelled, laughing as they swooped through the air like never before. 

Barret grabbed up some rope from a rather junk-filled corner and ran out of the cockpit to the deck.

He saw Tifa having a cat-fight with Scarlet on the cannon - she was going to fall if she wasn't careful! He cupped his hand to his mouth and yelled into the wind. "Run!! Run to the end of the cannon!!"

To his amazement, Tifa heard him. She turned and started to sprint to the end of the cannon, and the Highwind shot upwards under Cid's careful control. Barret waved his arms to grab Tifa's attention before hurling one end of the secured rope down from the deck. Tifa made a desperate flying leap and just managed to grasp the end of the rope as she fell, and the Highwind carried all seven of its passengers away to safety.

* 

~~~~~ Nearly finished Chapter 8, folks. I've nearly caught up to the second half now ^.^ 

But if I don't get it all up by next week, my updates might be sporadic until the new term because I only have net access at college… -_-;;

**


	8. Mideel

Once everyone was on board the Highwind and we were safely soaring into the sky, we all grouped together to discuss the possible whereabouts of our missing leader; Cloud.

Tifa was more distraught than anybody, and she seemed a different girl entirely. Barret was the first to voice his opinion on her dejectedness. He called her a wimp, and she merely apologised for seeming weak. I imagine the death Aeris was adding to her distress, with Cloud gone missing as well she must have felt a lot of strain. And when she was announced temporary leader her shoulders seemed to sag even more. I imagine that I felt pity for her at the time, though I wouldn't have been able to tell. Not at that point. I did feel, however, glad that she was all right. Perhaps I was learning, even then.

All thanks to Cid...

I stood at the back of the large cockpit, watching him teach the young trainee pilot how to fly and land the Highwind so that he could join the rest of us on our missions. He was not a patient teacher at all, nor a pleasant one; shouting at the poor young man every time he made a mistake. Which was often.

"Waaaaahh, Captain Cid!!" He would cry as the ship lurched in mid-air.

Cid would swear and say something like "Give it here, for @%&#'s sake! Moron!" and take the wheel, explaining the procedure again. 

Once Tifa was ready, she decided to take Cid and I with her to search for Cloud. I was glad that we had not been separated, but I also wished that she had taken a different two with her instead. It's not that I didn't want to look for Cloud, but I just wanted to stay put with Cid. To talk to him some more, to just be alone with him.

I was actually quite surprised at myself for feeling so needy. I had never needed anyone, but now I felt I needed to be with Cid just to remain contented. For all that time we had been apart going up the Gaea Cliffs and into the Crater, and also the week we had been imprisoned, I'd thought of almost nothing else.

I regretted walking off and leaving him behind on the Cliffs almost as soon as I had done it; but I had felt as if he had forgotten all our progress together and that he didn't understand why it felt hard for me to show emotions or even to _feel them like normal people._

I knew deep down that he didn't mean it, that he was just upset. It was a natural reaction, after all. 

I felt like I needed to apologise to him for my actions. But now that we were to be travelling with Tifa to look for Cloud, I felt almost bitter that our time was being used needlessly for someone else's benefit. Quite selfish, really, but that's how these things feel sometimes.    

The Highwind had no private quarters for any passengers, as it was not originally a people-carrier ship. It was made for the Shinra, although I can't say for what purpose as I don't know. It had a cockpit, Chocobo holding area and a meeting room with a long table, so I assume it was for short business flights.

I did catch Cid alone once before we left, while he was in the meeting room trying to find some old flight manuals for the student crew members to read while we were gone. I walked in on him cursing after he'd shut his fingers in a file cabinet drawer.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck-FUCK!!" He yelled, grabbing his hand.

"Are you all right there?" I asked coolly, approaching him.

He turned and smiled. "Hey there. Yeah, just trapped my bastard hand in the drawer there..." He slammed a thick textbook on the large table. "So, how you like my airship?" He asked, a gleam of pride in his eye.

"It's excellent. And it's named after you... I'm impressed." I smiled a little and folded my arms.

Cid sat down. After the initial small talk, he was sort of stuck for things to say. He took off the goggles from his head and scratched at his light blond hair, which although not as much as Cloud's, was still rather spiky. He replaced the goggles and looked up at me. "So... are we all right with each other? About what happened at the Cliff..." He began. 

"It was my fault. I apologise... I should have taken into account the fact that you were upset. I'm sorry I acted so rashly. I hope I didn't offend you..." I said, meaning every word.

Cid sighed, shaking his head at me yet smiling a little. "You shouldn't apologise, Vin. It was a stupid misunderstanding and we were all a bit touched by the bad news... even you, I think. Am I right?"

I paused, looking at the wood grain on the table. "I... suppose so, yes... but in a different way. But I'm glad that it's over now, and we can return to normal. I... missed you." I said, feeling a little strange to say it, even though I truly meant it.

"Vin..." Cid said, standing up. "You just made my day, saying that. C'mere." He put his arms around me and I returned the gesture. I was starting to like these embraces. Well, not _starting to... I already liked them, but rather coming to want them more and more. Like I said before, I was becoming dependant on Cid... I wondered if this was a good or a bad thing, but it felt like a good thing to me. _

"Do you think anyone will walk in during the next thirty seconds?" Cid whispered conspiratorially in my ear. 

I smiled. "I don't think so. Tifa's already prepared and we're the only ones leaving other than her."

Cid grinned and kissed me softly. 

The thing with Cid kissing me was this; whenever I found myself alone and thinking to myself, my mind would always wander back to the feelings inside that Cid was working to unlock. I felt such closeness to Cid, and I always enjoyed the embraces and the little kisses we had every now and then, although we had not really kissed properly since we left Icicle Inn. Was this love? A close bond usually meant love anyway, but since we started kissing... did this mean it was true love? I would always become confused and distressed by my own mind's workings, until... until I was with Cid, in his arms. Then all I felt was this strange sensation life a bird trapped inside my ribcage, beating its wings and trying to escape. It was not an unpleasant feeling, and I always associated it with Cid. 

And then, when he kissed me in the meeting room in the Highwind, I think I actually felt _happy. Maybe a little scared too, of my own emotions, but it was still a good thing._

That was when Yuffie walked in.

"Hey guys, Tifa wants to know what's taking you so lo- - ng..??" She stopped dead, staring at Cid and Vincent, who pulled away from each other in a flash as soon as they heard her.

But it was too late, she had seen the kiss... and it had been quite an ardent one, too.

"What the FUCK are you doin', skulking around like that, barging the fuck on in without even knocking?!" Cid yelled at her, his reaction to being caught out.

Yuffie ignored him. She stared. "Are... are you guys...?" She started.   

Cid didn't know what to say. He _just did not know. He stood for a moment with his hands behind his head. "Um...."_

Vincent didn't even know if it was a good idea for anyone to know about it all yet, as he was unsure as to what he and Cid were to each other. If they were properly an item, or even if they had named and identified what they felt for each other, maybe he would feel a little better about bringing it out into the open. It felt now almost as if someone read a story you were writing before you knew what the ending was going to be and judged it from what they had seen thus far. You at least wanted it to be clear in your own mind before you let anyone else know anything.

Encouraged by the silence, Yuffie asked further questions. "Why were you kissing him..?" She asked Cid. "Are you guys, like, gay or something..?"

"No!"

"No."

They both said in unison, then looked at each other. 

"Okaaaay, so what's with the kissing?" Yuffie asked, confused.

Cid gibbered only for a moment before laying into Yuffie again. "What the fuck am I answerin' your questions for?! Get the fuck outta here!!"

Yuffie knew that look in Cid's eye well and made a hasty retreat.

Cid sighed and clasped his hands on top of his head. "Hell. Now everyone'll know."

Vincent looked at his feet. "She might not tell anybody."

Cid looked at him. "Of course she'll fucking tell 'em! That kid's got a mouth that flaps in the breeze like a flag!"

"Is it such a bad thing, everyone knowing?" Vincent asked quietly. 

Cid sighed. "It's not because I'm ashamed of it, Vin... it's just... I don't know for sure what's going on in my head yet, y'know? I would have liked to get my feelings figured out before anyone knows anything."

"I understand." Vincent said. "I'm not sure about my own thoughts, either. Perhaps it would have been better if things had happened like you said, but now someone knows. So we must deal with whatever is thrown in our way."

Cid looked kindly at him. "You're right." He said quietly. "We can deal with it. Come on, Tifa's waitin'." He kissed Vincent lightly on the lips and they made their way out to the deck.

*

It didn't take us very long to find Cloud. Firstly, we went back to Icicle Inn for clues; asking many locals questions. Several people mentioned to us that there was a tropical island to the far south called Mideel and there was a good doctor who lived there. We thought that perhaps, if anyone had found Cloud before us, they might have taken him to this doctor. He fell into the Lifestream, after all, so he was likely to need treatment.

We set off in the Highwind for Mideel, and landed close by. As soon as Tifa, Cid and I stepped off the Highwind, the climate change was intense. Having just a short while ago been standing amidst the snow if Icicle Inn again, we stepped off the airship into the claustrophobic heat and humidity of a tropical rainforest. Cid was forever wiping the perspiration from his brow and flapping his open jacket, trying to get cool. When I suggested he take off his jacket and scarf, he replied by suggesting I take off my cloak and headband.

".........."

It just wasn't going to happen.

So after a while of walking through the humid atmosphere of the forest, we reached the hot springs town of Mideel. We didn't really know where to start looking, as this was our first time in the town. We noticed a dog started to follow us around, and Tifa stopped to pet it. 

"Poor thing... are you lost? Separated from someone you love?" She murmured as she ruffled the dog's black fur.

Cid and I glanced at each other at what she said.

Just then, we overheard a conversation between two men just a little up the dust path.

"...guess it's been about a week now since he washed up here on the shore... Poor pokey-headed young thing..."

I think we knew immediately what they were talking about. Tifa rushed up to them.

"Excuse me! That young person you were just talking about..."

During the ensuing exchange, we learned the whereabouts of the clinic, and that the young man was inside, being taken care of by the doctor.

I smiled slightly at Tifa, at her face so happy and full of hope now when she had been so dejected.

"You found him." I said, and Cid was grinning away. 

Tifa beamed at us and ran off to the clinic, we followed as quickly as we could.

Tifa burst into the clinic and immediately started calling Cloud's name.

"Cloud? Cloud!"

The doctor came over, adjusting his glasses. "There now, what's all the shouting about? You'd think Meteor fell or something."

I suppose you already know the rest. When the doctor led us behind the screen, Cloud was in a wheelchair; a vegetable. His head was lolling around on his neck, he was drooling slightly from the corner of his mouth and his pupils were oddly dilated. He looked straight through us as if we weren't there. It was truly a shocking sight to behold. Our once strong and infallible leader, reduced to this... I couldn't speak. 

Tifa knelt in front of him, obviously distressed. 

"Mako poisoning... Quite an advanced case." The doctor said, folding his arms. "I've never seen a case this bad. A huge amount of Mako-drenched knowledge was put into his brain all at once. It's a miracle he survived. He is literally miles away from us... some place no one's ever been, all alone..."

"Doctor!!" Tifa started to cry. It was uncomfortable for us, and the doctor suggested that we all wait outside.

The doctor, nurse, Cid and I waited outside for perhaps five minutes while Tifa had some time alone with Cloud. I stood against the wall, my arms folded and watching Cid as he paced to and fro. 

What was going to happen now? I had a sneaking suspicion that Tifa wouldn't be our leader for much longer. This was just the type of misfortune we didn't need as we drew ever nearer to our showdown with Sephiroth... it would leave our team in a state of confusion, if not despondency. Would they lose heart? Did we really need Cloud, Tifa and Aeris to carry on? Couldn't we do it without them?

I knew what Cid would say. Cid would say "Of course we can do it without 'em! We ain't morons, so we'll be fine!".

This brought my attention to the matter of Yuffie, when she had walked in on Cid and I earlier that day... She obviously had not told Tifa. But, now that we were for the moment away, would she be telling everyone still on the Highwind, waiting for us? I thought about it, but I couldn't predict which she would choose to do. Of course, with the wrath of Cid to be counted on if she did tell she might not have seen it as a good idea. But as Cid pointed out, she did have a difficulty with keeping her mouth closed.

I just wished that I could have a clearer sense of what my feelings for Cid were. I knew he was just as confused as I was, but I was so unused to feeling anything. I couldn't have told you the difference between angry and sad a few weeks before that. I was learning slowly, and was experiencing what you might call emotional growing pains. 

Cid, on the other hand... he _felt so much for everything. He was a regular tornado of emotion. But... this was something that he didn't quite know which emotion to throw at. _

My thoughts, as usual, were interrupted. Tifa came out of the clinic, with tears in her eyes. 

"I have something I want to tell you all..." She said quietly.

"Christ..." muttered Cid. "Not more bad news..."

So, after all of us were assembled in the clinic, Tifa faced us all and wiped a stray tear from her eye. "I don't care about anything else, only Cloud." She said, finally. She told us that she wanted to leave AVALANCHE temporarily to look after Cloud until he recovered. I was expecting this.

"Do whatever you wish." I said as she looked at each of us as if asking for permission.

Her face looked at us all gratefully. "Thank you."

And so, Cid and I left the clinic alone. We made our way out of Mideel and back through the humid forest to reach the Highwind.

"So... you think the brat's told anyone?" Cid asked, sweating again as he batted a mosquito away from his face.

"I don't know... but she may not have for fear of you killing her." I smiled. 

Cid chuckled. "Damn right, too."

We continued walking on, unsure of what to say after that. We knew we needed to talk about us... we didn't seem to be getting any closer to understanding what was going on. But neither of us were quite brave enough to break the cheerful ignorance both of us seemed to be holding up.

But yet we knew we'd have to sooner or later, or we were going to be skulking around, sneaking in little kisses when we hoped no one was around. That particular plan had failed in the first try, as Yuffie had walked in on us. In a way, I suppose I was glad that it was her and not an older team member, as Yuffie, mouthy as she was, was not likely to say anything because she knew Cid would be angry with her.

I looked at Cid as we arrived at the rope ladder dangling from the Highwind deck.

He looked at me and I think we shared the same thought, but it was Cid who spoke it.

"Look, Vin. I know we need to talk... we gotta get this thing sorted in our heads. I kinda don't know how to talk about it, but we'll do our best, right? We can talk later when we got some time. As soon as we get a new leader picked, we can get some time off and spend a day talking. Okay?"

I nodded at him. I was relieved that he had brought it up, as I knew that I never would have. I looked gratefully at him then we started up the rope ladder into the Highwind.

Cid's narrative....

*

They fuckin' made _me leader. ME! I couldn't believe it. At first I couldn't be bothered, but Barret just made it sound so damn appealing... after all, I guess I am leadership material. Heh. _

But now I was pig sick of it. I needed to get some time off the main team with Vin so that we could talk, but now it just wasn't gonna happen. He was cool about it, or at least he seemed to be. Sometimes you never can tell with the guy.

It looked like the brat never told anybody about Vin and me in the boardroom. I kept glarin' at her every time she passed me, just to make sure she knew I'd kill her if she said anything. 

"Don't give me _evils!" She'd squawk at me, and I'd just __glare. Hehe._

So yeah, I was the new leader, and I can't remember what the fuck some of the missions were, but I do remember when we had to go save Corel's Huge Materia. That was kinda cool. It was me, Vin and the brat... I though it was better to take her with us so that she didn't accidentally slip up. 

We went all the way over this fuckin' bridge, and there must have been a 300 fucking foot drop down there and the ropes were all creaky. I was shittin' it, but Vin didn't seem affected... the brat was just about better at crossing that me, but never tell her that 'cause I'd never hear the fucking last of it.

Then, we had to go over this railway track for miles, and I was gettin' bushed.

Eventually we got to the reactor, but the Shinra were already there. As per usual we ran in there and kicked some puny butt, but we were too late to stop the train that was takin' away the huge materia.

There was no fuckin' way I was gonna let those fuckers get away after me trekking all the way here over dodgy rope bridges, 300 foot drops, baby Chocobo nests and railway tracks that looked like they belonged in a fuckin' roller coaster. So I hijacked another train! What, you didn't know I could drive one? Sure I can! I didn't get to be the best pilot in the world by just studyin' the mechanics of planes, y'know. I can drive or fly anything that can be driven or flown. Or sailed. Basically, any vehicle. Just not Chocobos.

Impressed? Vin was. He said so as I was wrenchin' those damn levers up and down. 

"You can drive this too? I'm impressed."

Hehe. I felt so smug. Actually, I think he was checkin' out my ass as I was workin' them levers. Who wouldn't? 

Yuffie looked uncomfortable.

I figured that if I alternately yanked the two levers, the train would accelerate and we'd catch up with the Shinra train. So, I worked those levers hard! I was grunting and heaving and I felt sweat forming on my face. 

"Don't strain yourself, Cid!" Yuffie sneered.

"Shut... gnh! The hell... rrgh!! UP!!" I snarled, yanking the levers harder, and then we caught up with the train on the opposite track. What we did next was fuckin' crazy 'cause we must have been doin' 180 miles per hour at least... we all got ready on the edge of the platform and with a shout hurled ourselves over the long drop between the two tracks and just about landed on the other train... except me.

I would have been a goner if it hadn't have been for Vin turning instinctively as he landed and grabbing my arm... I'd missed the jump by about half a meter and his arm shot out and grabbed mine. 

"WHOA!!" I clung onto his arm as he pulled me up, my stomach turned upside down with the shock.

"FUCK!!" I exclaimed, panting, still clinging to Vin.

Vin tried without much success to prise my hands away from his arm, but I was gripping on for dear life.

"I told Barret you shouldn't be the leader, you're too old!" Yuffie whined. God I wanted to kick her ass.

"Too fucking OLD??" I yelled at her, embarrassed. "If I'm old, you're fucking middle-aged, and Vin's prehistoric! I ain't got time for your shit, we gotta get to the Huge Materia!"

So we ran up the train, and we kept getting stalled by some fucked up monsters the Shinra sent at us to keep us back. They weren't any kind of match for us by now though, not with all that fucking experience we got from Icicle Inn to the North Crater. We just kept using lightning materia on the later ones and it was soon over with. 

We finally got to the top of the train and there were just a couple of measly soldiers left between us and the materia. We kicked their asses, but I was kinda impressed that the poor guys had stood up to us on their own after we'd just smashed up their entire robotic fighter arsenal.

"You got guts comin' after me... I'll never forget it."

Now I needed to stop the train...

"Hit the brakes, chief." Said Vin.

He called me chief! I turned and smiled at him, to see he was smiling a lil' bit too. Cool. I liked it when he smiled. He didn't do it all that often, but he was gettin' better.

"Righty!" I looked at the levers on this train, scratching my chin. I had to remember to shave more... probably gave Vin a rash.

"If you pull 'em alternately to speed up, you must pull 'em at the same time to slow down."

I braced myself and grabbed the lever handles, and started to yank them both up and down at the same time. 

The train started going faster...

"Isn't it... the other way..?" Vin asked, only the slightest bit of worry in his voice. 

"Hmm..." I started yanking the levers again, harder.

The train went even faster, hurtling along the track so damn fast it nearly came off its wheels at the bends!

"Oh my GAWD! What are you doing, you OLD man!!" Yuffie screeched at me, and I was panicking. We were gonna crash into Corel!

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!"

I yanked the levers hard one last time.

SCREEEEEECH!!

Yeah, the train stopped just centimetres from the outermost tent in Corel. Centimetres. I measured 'em.

But, we stopped the Shinra wrecking these poor bastards' homes again, plus we recovered the Huge Materia. A kid even gave us an Ultima Materia as a reward.

But fuck, was I bushed afterwards. The team wanted me to get right on the next Materia mission, but I just point blank refused to go until I'd had a little kip.           

After I woke up and had a bit to eat, we went to the reactor at Fort Condor, but that was just so fucking boring I can't be assed telling ya about it. What was next..? Oh yeah. We went to visit Cloud and Tifa at Mideel clinic. Fine mess that was...

****

Almost as soon as we arrived in the clinic, an earthquake hit the island, and Weapon attacked at the same fuckin' time. Wait... maybe the earthquake was because Weapon was there? I dunno. But It was so stupid. We walked into the clinic, Tifa said a few words and Cloud wasn't lookin' much better... then it hit.

We all ran out of the clinic to a wide open space, and Weapon dived down at us! It tried to get at us from behind but we spun around and commenced kicking its scaly ass. It was surprisingly weak for a Weapon, and it flew off like the big pussy it was after we'd pounded it for a while. 

But after it left, the tremors got worse and worse, and the Lifestream started to gush up from underneath the island... this was gonna get ugly! I shouted to Tifa and the others to get the hell outta there, the whole town was goin' under!

I remember sprinting as fast as I could back to the Highwind as the Island started to crack under the pressure of the bursting Lifestream. In my panicked mind I kept saying "Where's Vin? Where the fuck is Vin?!" even though I'd said every man for himself. 

I broke through the trees and made out Vin's figure just arriving at the Highwind. I put a last burst of energy into my run and reached him, panting. 

"Vi... Vin... what th... the FUCK just ha... happened..?!" I panted. I was fucked.

"The Lifestream erupted beneath the Island..." He said calmly. He wasn't even out of breath, and I was nearly collapsing where I fuckin' stood.

"Where... where are Tifa and Cloud..?" I asked, a rising dread sticking in my throat.

Vin sighed.

"They fell into the Lifestream..."

***

Wooo, what's gonna happen!?

...

Umm, I guess you already know. But who knows, maybe some of you have never played the game through, and this is EXCITING for you!

Hmm... doubtful. But what the hell. My first attempt at a narrative from Cid's perspective, feedback appreciated if you liked/disliked it, it's actually easier to write as Cid because when I can't be arsed writing pointless crap bits like Fort Condor, neither can he. ^.^;; 


	9. To the Stars and Back

Chapter Nine

*

Cid and I were there when they washed up from the Lifestream amidst the ruins of Mideel.

We  had immediately alerted the team, and once the tremors had died down we all ran back to look for them, only to see them surface on their own. We pulled them out, and found to our shock that they had hardly been affected by the Mako at all, but both were drifting in and out of consciousness for a while. The doctor made a makeshift clinic upon a raised area that had not been completely decimated, and took a look at both of them before he let us take them back to the Highwind. 

So... now we had Cloud back. And Tifa, too, though she hadn't left for long. 

It was rather strange, seeing Cloud himself again, talking and acting normally after not seeing him like this since the Gaea Cliffs.

I think we were all very glad that there was at least some return to normality. Of course, everyone was still sorely missing Aeris, who seemed to be the spark of light at the centre of the group for many. Although I must confess, for me that spark of life was Cid.

After the uplifting meeting in the boardroom, we all left with lighter hearts. We knew our mission now and we were a team again. Tifa was in much higher spirits and I sensed that during her sojourn in the Lifestream with Cloud the two had shared something intricately special. 

Cloud kindly gave Cid and I some time off from the main team after us being at the front for so long, and so Cid and I finally had some time together. 

We couldn't leave the Highwind, obviously, but we sat out on the deck for a while, enjoying the breeze. 

For a long time, we spoke about trivial things. Small talk. 

Isn't it always the way, when you need to talk about something important and somewhat emotional to someone, it always takes a long time to build up to. Sometimes it never gets out at all.

"Y'know, Vin." Cid smiled, scratching his head. "We keep saying that we gotta talk, but now we _are talkin' I kinda don't know what to say... where to start. Y'know?" _

I smiled. "Yes. It's ....difficult."

"I mean..." He continued, looking everywhere but my eyes. "I like you a lot, Vin. A lot. And we kiss, but... what does it mean? Where are we?"

I knew Cid was having trouble with saying what he felt, as he felt it too dangerous at this stage to use words that had too much meaning, if you can understand. Not before we'd figured it out. 

But how would we figure it out? We kept saying we needed to talk, to untangle everything that had started to knot up and coalesce since that night in Icicle Inn. No, since that day in Gongaga... it had all started then, really. 

In fact, I think to be honest I started to single Cid out from the group since the time in Gold Saucer where I had hurt myself... and he bandaged my hand without caring why I had done it. Anyone else would have judged me. From that moment on, I would unthinkingly look for him first in a crowded room. He just stood out somehow, from then onwards.

The time in Gongaga really progressed our rapport; our _bond_. And the night in Icicle Inn, when we talked about deep and meaningful things, and we kissed in the dark. I think that was one of the most meaningful nights in my life, even though we were perhaps under the influence of a little too much alcohol. We still _meant_ it. We just had the courage to speak and act on our feelings...

Which we hadn't seemed to have been able to in quite the same way since.

But as I mentioned before, here we were at last, ready to talk about it all and sort it out finally, but we realised then that how _could_ we sort it out, until our final mission was over? How could we concentrate on this when Meteor was looming in the sky and Sephiroth was festering like a sickness in the North Crater? 

And besides, what was the point in establishing feelings and notions that would change our interaction with each other, one way or the other, when we were still pressured by this secrecy?

Even though we'd said that we'd feel all right about everyone knowing if only we were clear about our feelings for each other, would we really? What if we decided in the end that all of it was a bad idea, and wanted to forget it ever happened? We'd still be stuck on the Highwind, perhaps avoiding each other, and it would be very uncomfortable. 

No. In the end, even though it was excruciating to have these unresolved issues hanging over us, it was best to wait until everything was over so that we could talk for as long as we needed and if things went badly we could just go our separate ways.

Although I had no idea where or how I would end up if I wasn't with Cid. I didn't want to think about it.

We had been out on the deck for perhaps two hours, when an exhausted Yuffie ran out to us, panting.

"What the @#$% do you want?!" Cid yelled, incensed that she seemed keep walking in on us when we wanted to be alone.

"Don't shout at me!! I have something to tell you!" She said desperately. "Shinra are going to nuke the Meteor with Huge Materia, and-"

"Kid, don't piss me off. I'm busy now. Cloud and co can take care of i-"

"They're going to use YOUR rocket!!"

"THE @#$%?! OUTTA MY WAY!!"

****

Cid had grabbed Vincent and dragged him to the bridge, where he had yelled and thrown abuse at anyone who objected landing the Highwind outside Rocket Town.

Once they had landed, Cid dragged poor Vincent off the Highwind and all the way to the base of the rocket, where he caught up with Cloud, Tifa and Barret. 

"Hey! Wait for me!" He yelled.

Cloud and the others were not surprised to see Cid, but were quite surprised to see him dragging Vincent along behind him like a rag doll. "Cid... do you want to come for this one?" He asked, as the irate pilot climbed the first ladder up to them. Vincent followed close behind.

"The @#$%?? Of course I'm comin! You ain't stoppin' me!"

"But I just asked if you wanted to-"

"If you're gonna kick those @#$%in' Shinra out of my rocket, then take me with you! Shut up and send these clowns back to the Highwind. Me and Vin are doin' this one. It's MY rocket!"

Barret scowled and went to open his mouth about being called a "clown", but Tifa laid her hand on his arm.

"Okay, good luck guys, and we'll see you later." Tifa said tactfully and had to pull Barret away.

"Goddamn son of a bitch, callin' me a damn CLOWN!" The big man shouted as he was dragged away.

Cid, cig in mouth as usual, gave him the fist and carried on scaling the ladder, now very much the man in charge, with Cloud climbing up last after Vincent. He started to feel like he was just a tag-along.

As they reached the utmost plinth, they were greeted by Rude of the Turks and a plethora of Shinra guards. 

"Don't let them get any further! ATTACK---!!"

Rude and the guards rushed forward, but Cid was ready for them. He readied his spear and Vincent could see that he'd almost reached his limit and was going to break at any moment.

Cloud ran forward to dispatch the guards very easily, and Vincent aimed a shot at the Turk, who just managed to dodge it. He rolled and came flying with a punch at Vincent that sent him staggering back a step, before recovering quickly and cocking his gun again. 

Vincent had been a Turk too, so this was quite a match between the two. Vincent made like he was going to shoot but bluffed and caught Rude in the shoulder with a well-aimed bullet just as he'd stopped moving to dodge the feint shot.

Rude grunted in pain and clutched the bleeding wound, deciding it was best not to pick on the Ex-Turk. His attention turned to Cid, who even in the heat of battle was puffing away on his cig, standing there ready with his spear. Rude lunged forward and caught Cid with a hard-hitting uppercut right on the chin, knocking the cig flying from his mouth.

Cid slowly lowered his head again from the blow and glared at Rude. Hard.

Big mistake, Rude...

Cid's body seemed to flash red with a burst of rage, and he charged forward with his spear, shouting various obscenities before diving on top of Rude and pounding him for all he was worth. Cloud and Vincent merely watched, stunned, as Cid executed his Big Brawl limit break. He just wouldn't stop hitting him...

He punched and punched and smashed with his spear and pounded and flattened and yelled numerous bad words until Rude was utterly defeated. Even when Cid shakily stood up again, trembling with the adrenaline, Rude did not even open his eyes. He was out cold.

Cid turned to face Cloud and Vincent, who were staring in awe, and perhaps shock at the violence.

"He was gonna take my @#$%ING rocket!!" Cid yelled, excusing himself.

"Come on," Vincent said quietly, running inside the rocket. Cid chased after him hastily.

Cloud followed somewhat more slowly, taking a long look at the poor battered form of Rude lying on the plinth. 

"That's gonna hurt in the morning..." Cloud muttered as he stepped inside the rocket.

Cid had already disposed of the guards remaining in the rocket, and the three made their way into the cockpit. Cid ran over to the controls and started banging in orders on the keypads, but it was all locked.

After a while of useless attempts to disable the locked autopilot function, Palmer came on the intercom and quite happily informed Cid that the rocket was about to launch!

"What, no countdown? It just doesn't seem the same without it!" Cid said.

*

I always remember hearing about the time when the rocket was launched the first time, and had to be aborted because Shera was still inside the rocket, checking Oxygen tank number eight.

Well, she was right to.

It blew up just as we were passing.

The blast knocked us all over. It was not a huge explosion, but it was a huge shock. When the air cleared and we all came back to our senses, we found that the front of the tank had blown off and was pinning Cid's leg.

"Cid!!" Cloud and I rushed over, trying to heave the chunk of metal off him.

I felt panic rise in my throat as we discovered we were unable to move it. 

"I can't lift it..." I yanked and pulled and heaved as much as I could, but it just wouldn't move. 

I remember thinking that if I lost Cid now, I would have nothing. I heard Cid saying under Cloud's heaves as he tried to lift the metal. "No, go on without me, get outta here! Don't worry about me."

I couldn't believe I was hearing it! No! I have to get you out! That was all I could think, and still this rising fear, this _dread_, came up slowly from the pit of my stomach. 

What if Cid was trapped for good? The rocket would plough into Meteor, and...

I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't think about that. 

But it seemed so hopeless. I continued to pull desperately at the chunk of metal, cursing it with every fibre in my body, and Cid's eyes caught mine over the hunk of metal that was formerly tank number eight. His eyes... were sad. We stared at each other for a long time, before he spoke quietly so that Cloud didn't hear over the rumble of the machinery. 

"Take care, Vin. ... I..."

He was interrupted by an unexpected appearance.

"Hello, Captain."

Shera. Shera had stowed away on the rocket for a second time. She came over, and once again Cloud and I took our positions at the metal chunk, this time Shera joined us, and together with an almighty, back-breaking effort, we managed to haul the tank fragment off Cid's leg, freeing him. 

I found myself trembling, and I wanted to run over to Cid and gather him to me, to make sure he was safe. But I couldn't... Not with Cloud and Shera there...

But Cid made them go on ahead to the escape pod, and I understood his intent.

As soon as they were gone from the tank room, I rushed over and held him tight.

He clutched me tightly too, very glad to be safe. 

"Don't ever do that to me again..." I whispered.

"It wasn't my fucking fault..." He started, but checked himself. "Actually, yes it was. If I'd waited for Shera to finish her checks on the tanks before tellin' Shinra we were ready for launch... I was too fuckin' impatient." He sighed. "I got some apologisin' to do to her, haven't I?"

I smiled and just held him tight still. "Yes. Is your leg okay?"

Cid chuckled. "It's fine. Hey, Vin... you almost sound like you care about me."

I pulled back from our embrace, to look him in the eye. "I do..." I said, most seriously.

He stared back at me for a moment with a soft expression of touched wonder. 

"Captain, are you still there? We have to hurry!"

We heard Shera's voice call from near the escape pod.

"Come on, this rocket's gonna blow into Meteor! We gotta get the fuck outta here!" Cid grabbed my wrist and we ran to the pod, climbing in. 

*

I stared out of the little porthole window as we drifted in the ocean, waiting for the others to pick us up. I looked behind me at the other three in the escape pod, Shera was quietly writing something, presumably of a technical nature in a little notepad. Perhaps something about the fault that caused oxygen tank number eight to malfunction.

Cloud was sitting, his hands clasped and his thumbs twirling about each other, looking somewhat troubled. I wondered briefly what he was thinking about. Probably Aeris, or Sephiroth.

Lastly, I looked at Cid, who was closest to me and also looking out of the window. He was staring hard, chewing on his lower lip and his cigarette burning away. He looked as if he was in intense deep thought, and it was best not to disturb him. 

Finally, Cid had achieved his dream, and gone into outer space... I wondered if it had been a disappointment for him. I for one, was glad to be back on the earth, if even drifting helplessly in the sea.

While we were in the larger shuttle before we ejected I could better appreciate the notion that we were drifting in blackness, between worlds... As I had already said while we were on board, space is a long rest.

But now, this pod was stifling and a little claustrophobic. I longed to feel the cool air I knew was beyond the thick plated glass. I had to get out of this pod, it was staring to remind me of the coffin...

It was at this point that I realised that I would never be able to go back into that coffin again. Because of Cid... he was making me more and more human by the day. 

I looked at him, as he stared out of the window, next to me. He seemed troubled, and still deep in thought. I cast a stray glance behind me at Cloud and Shera, who had started a conversation with each other. The weren't even looking at me and Cid.

I smiled softly, and laid my right hand on Cid's arm as he propped himself against the glass.

He seemed to break out of some sort of reverie, and looked at my hand on his arm before smiling at me with genuine warmth.

I returned his smile and withdrew my hand, looking out of the window with him.

"Vin... we gotta put our all into saving this planet. You know?" He sighed, giving me a brief sidelong glance. "We can't let the Shin Ra or that bastard Sephiroth destroy it."

I looked at Cid for a long moment before gazing back out of the window. "I know."

We were quiet for a while, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. We both felt the other's presence next to us as a reassuring, tangible comfort.   

I guess we both started to think about what the planet meant for us. Well, apart from it being our home. I hadn't really thought much on the matter, truth be known - I was in AVALANCHE for my own personal reasons. For the people involved that I had once had connections to. Hojo and Sephiroth both...

I wondered quietly if I deserved to be in AVALANCHE, as I was not fighting for the good of the planet alone. But then - who among us all _were_ fighting just for the planet? Even Barret had his own reasons that didn't involve the planet.

No, wait... one of us had been.

Aeris had.

She fought for the good of the planet alone; or at least no one knew of any other reasons she might have had. It must have been the most important thing to her, because she had given up her life protecting it.

I often felt guilty when I thought of Aeris. I kept telling myself that I wasn't feeling as much sadness as I should. In fact, I don't think I felt sad at all. Was that wrong of me? But I can't, as no one can, force myself to feel something that I don't.

I looked at Cid. Now... what did I feel about _him_? I checked myself guiltily again as I found my mind wandering from Aeris to my feelings for Cid. I felt like it was wrong of me to value her memory so little, and sometimes I found myself forcing my mind to think of her. But then it seemed fake and I felt bad again for not feeling real sadness. And so the cycle would go on. 

But a lot of the time I just let my mind wander to Cid, whose very face when pictured in my head would make me smile. He was such a comforting presence and so solid; so real. I wanted so badly then to hold him, to be held by him, and just sink into his warmth. But this could not be at that time, as we were stuck in that little pod with two other people. I wished that we could just do and say what we liked, maybe then we would realise what we felt more clearly. But we agreed not to tell anybody until that had already happened, so I suppose it was a _Catch-22_.

Sometimes I felt like a fool for concocting this horridly complicated mess, for perhaps making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or maybe even that I was just too weak to take this whole predicament by the scruff of the neck and just sorting it all out. 

It was at this point that I began to resent having a mind.

So I thought about nothing for a while; or at least tried not to think of anything important or pressing, I kept reminding myself that there was nothing to be done about anything yet at any rate, as we were currently floating in the middle of some ocean in an escape pod, waiting for the Highwind to come pick us up.

Which, funnily enough, did exactly that when I looked out of the window.

*

"Cloud!! Vincent, Cid!! Shera, are you all okay?" Tifa bustled around the four as they were pulled on board the ship, as it was hovering over the empty escape pod in the ocean.

"Tifa, we're fine, really..." Cloud smiled at the girl's worrying. "No one's hurt."

"Cid hurt his leg." Vincent noted, much to Cid's distaste.

"Did I fuck!" He exclaimed. "Christ, Vin! Don't make such a fucking meal out of it! I'm fine! It's just a bit bruised, that's all." He huffed. Vincent looked at him with an unreadable expression. Cid acted brash, but Vincent knew him well enough by now to know that Cid was secretly overjoyed that Vincent cared so much... and that his leg _was in pain. His issues about being weak prevented him from showing the pain like anybody else._

Vincent smiled softly.

"What are you smiling at, Valentine?" Cid asked him as they walked off to the meeting room together, alone.

"You." Vincent said honestly. "The way you react."

"To what?" Cid asked, stopping to light a fresh cig.

"To people fussing over you. You get all flustered, and yet act like you don't care at the same time. The two contradict each other."

Cid huffed. "The fuck do I care. What are you, my psychologist now?"

"Why not? You're fun to watch." Vincent smiled, waiting as Cid started walking again.

"And since when did you learn what fun was?" Cid shot back, but was answered by silence.

"Sorry." He added.

Vincent smiled. "You don't need to apologise. I knew you didn't mean it."

Cid sighed, rolling his eyes. "Did you, now?" He flicked his ash on the floor.

They reached the meeting room, the only place that had foldable chairs in a closet off to one side. Vincent opened it and took out two chairs, closing the closet again before unfolding the chairs and seating himself in one.

Cid took the other and put his booted feet on top of the expensive looking long table. He sighed and took a long drag on his cig. "I'm telling ya Vin, I ain't goin on no more fucking missions for a _long time. We only just got some time off from the _last_ one when that rocket shit happened. Let's hope we get a bit of a break until the next crisis sends us running off, huh?" _

Vincent nodded in agreement. "Yes, let's hope so."

There came again that comfortable quietness that they had gotten used to in each others company. It wasn't a _silence, so much as quietness. Cid sat back as ever, smoking like a chimney. Vincent sat quiet as always, swimming in his sea of thoughts. Cid just hoped that he wouldn't drown in them._

*

End of Chapter Nine

*

(Don't worry if you read the next chapter and think there's one or two missing, it jumps ahead in the game a bit to after the mission to Midgar.)


	10. Feelings and Pain

Chapter Ten

*

Hojo had been defeated. 

At last, the evil man had paid in full for his sins... with his life.

Everyone was quiet, reflective, as they slowly made their way back to the Highwind. Shinra was finally finished... Rufus, the Turks, Tseng, Scarlet, Heidegger and Hojo... all of them were either dead or disbanded. Now all that remained was the final confrontation with Sephiroth. The final push to save the planet from destruction.

It weighed heavily on everyone's minds, as the mounting tension gnawed away at their thoughts relentlessly. It was going to be their final, most dangerous mission, and some of them might not make it back... none of them would if they failed.

It was hard to comprehend, having the weight of the world quite literally on their shoulders.

Cloud noticed the looks in his team-mates' eyes as they all boarded for a brief respite before their final flight to the Northern cave where the monster resided.

He sat down heavily at the front of the cockpit, his back against the cool glass of the huge windscreen.

He had to make sure that everyone was fighting because they wanted to, or there would be no point fighting at all. If they weren't fighting at their very hardest, they would fail.

He stood up suddenly, and everyone looked at him.

"Everyone," He said, addressing them all. "This is it. The final battle. I want all of you to find out what it is you're fighting for. I want everyone to get off this ship and find the reason for you fighting against Sephiroth, then come back."

Cid put his hands on his hips. "Maybe none of us'll _come_ back!"

Cloud lowered his head. "That's okay too. If you don't find a reason, there's no point in fighting, right? Just do whatever your heart tells you."

And so, everyone left the ship apart from Cloud and Tifa, who only had each other.

Everyone did in fact have someone to fight for; Barret had Marlene, Red had Cosmo Canyon, Reeve had the citizens of Midgar to take care of now that Shinra was gone, Yuffie had her father and Wutai, and even Cid had Rocket Town and his beloved plane.

But... what did Vincent have?

This was precisely the question in his mind as he stood at a beach near Rocket Town, looking out into the sea. He had got off the Highwind with Cid and had accompanied him to Rocket Town just because he had nowhere else to go. He had stayed outside of the town for a while to think while Cid went home to tell Shera what was happening.

He sighed, the warm winds playing with the long strands of his ebony hair. 

Did this mean he had no place fighting beside all of them against Sephiroth? Cloud had said they didn't have to come back if any of them couldn't find a reason to fight.

"Why am I fighting now..?" Vincent whispered to himself. 

Now Hojo was gone, justice had been restored. What grievances had he against Sephiroth, now he thought about it? Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, yes. They all had very good reasons to fight him.

But Vincent... he had a reason _not to fight Sephiroth. _

"To kill Lucrecia's son... would it be justice..? Or just one more sin with a sugar-laced excuse? Will I have redeemed myself only to sin again?"

He closed his eyes. He wished that even for just one moment everything was clear. His thoughts seemed to contradict themselves and congregate behind his closed eyes, rushing in for the attack whenever he was alone. There were so many things that he wished he didn't have to think about. He wished he wasn't so confused and tortured all the time...

"I'm tired... of thinking..." He whispered. "Tired of the guilt... why can't I let it all go...?" 

He stared out at the sea for a long time. "Please, anybody... give me a reason to exist..."

**

Cid jogged up to the beach from Rocket Town, clutching the note from Shera he'd found. 

He knew Vincent was at the beach, but at first he couldn't spot him. Eventually he found the pale man a little further up the coastline than he'd left him, staring out at the crashing breakers. He looked... lost. Forlorn. Lonely... 

He ran up to him. "Hey, Vin! Shera isn't at the house. Read this."

Vincent silently took the note from Cid's gloved hand and read it without a word.

The note said:-

"Captain,

             I have gone to stay with my parents. I can't bear being alone with Meteor hanging up there above us, every day threatening to fall down and destroy us all. I know you probably won't ever read this because you're on your missions with AVALANCHE, but in case you do come back and read this and I'm gone, I'm very sorry, and the best of luck to all of you fighting for the planet.

Shera."

Vincent passed the note back. "I see."

Cid nodded. He sniffed and stood beside Vincent, the both of them staring out at the sea for a long time. 

Eventually, Cid jiggled his hands in his pockets restlessly.

"So, uh... what're we lookin' at?"

Vincent didn't look at him. "The sea."

Cid nodded slowly. "Righty. I thought there was somethin' out there, mebbe a floatin' castaway or somethin'. It'd beat just waiting around here for no reason."

Vincent tilted his head to the side slightly, breathing deep. "You've got a reason to be here."

"Like what?" Cid laughed.

"Well, there's..." Vincent thought. Without Shera there and the Tiny Bronco out of action, not to mention the Rocket gone, what point was there in Cid being in Rocket Town? "..........."

Cid grinned humourlessly. "See? Can't think of one, can ya?"

"Well then," Vincent sighed. "That makes two of us that have no reason to fight. Does this mean that we don't go back to the Highwind? Maybe you can tell me, Cid." He sounded almost bitter.

Cid shifted his weight onto his other foot, his hands still dug deep in his pockets. Vincent's manner was making him uneasy. "We've got each other, ain't we? I mean - we're best friends, right?"

Vincent smiled mirthlessly. "Yes. Friends." He looked back from the sea towards Rocket Town. "Seeing as the house is currently empty, do you mind if I go and rest for a while? There is a lot I'd like to think about."

"Yeah, no proble-" Cid hadn't finished speaking as Vincent strode off on his long legs towards nearby Rocket Town, leaving Cid alone on the beach.

Vincent was different. He had seemed different ever since the end of Hojo at the top of Midgar... 

It was to be expected, since it was the first time he had laid eyes upon the man that destroyed his life for thirty years. 

Cid knew that all those old feelings and pains were steadily creeping back, as if the encounter with Hojo had cut open all those stitches Cid had sewn up Vincent's wounds with, letting the fresh blood, and the pain, flow.

He knew things just didn't work like this, but Cid wished with all his heart that Vincent's pain would just vanish along with the evil scientist. But some wounds can never heal completely, and some scars last forever. He only hoped that by doing what he could to help he would be able to alleviate Vincent's pain as much as possible. 

He watched Vincent walk away over the sand, and a vivid image of a recurring dream he'd had while he was imprisoned at Junon came rushing back to him.

The dream where Vincent had walked away from him on a beach...

It was surreal, and Cid couldn't speak for the moment with the strange feelings.

Then he remembered that he couldn't speak in the dream, either.

After a moment of watching Vincent disappear over the crest of a hill, he started to think.

'Now, we finally have the chance to sort out what we feel for each other, and he walks away. What is he afraid of?' Then Cid checked himself. 'No... What am I saying? It's because of seeing Hojo... things are finally put to rest, but they still haunt him. Maybe they always will... but if I'm there for him, he can be strong and maybe the pain will eventually fade away... I damn well hope so...'

Cid lowered his head and sighed, after a while his thoughts returning to their current situation regarding their relationship to each other.

'I'm always the first one to make a move in these situations, so maybe... he's waiting for me to say something concrete? I don't need to be talking to him to think about how I feel anyway; if anything my head gets more muddled up when he's around than when I'm alone. Why, oh why the @#$% did we waste all this time saying "Wait until it's all over" instead of trying to sort it out there and then? Were they just excuses? Were we both afraid of our feelings? I know I was afraid of mine... because I didn't know what they were. Or maybe I did, but I was afraid to admit it... It's always easier to run, ain't it? It's never easy to look yourself straight in the eye and see who you really are, and what you really feel inside. But after we beat Hojo, we all thought long and hard about ourselves... and I came to a decision. I ain't gonna run from it no more, and neither should Vin. I'm gonna help him all I can, and this thing between us is gonna be sorted by the time the sun sets tonight!

'Cloud told us all to get off the ship and find a reason to fight. But I ain't got one. Or at least I wouldn't have, if me and Vin hadn't got drunk in Icicle Inn before we met up with Cloud and the others...'  

"My reason to fight..." Cid murmured aloud. "The only reason I have..."

He smiled. "Is him."

Cid suddenly laughed. "That's it! It's the answer to everything!" He declared to the waves as if they were students listening to the proclaims of "Eureka" from a barmy professor. "That's why we have to fight, and that's what I just didn't have the guts to realise up until now!"

Just for one final test, he conjured up Vincent's fair countenance framed by flowing dark hair in his mind, and whispered his name as if experimenting. 

Because he _was experimenting, and he was sure the moment those familiar tingles hit the hairs at the back of his neck and his stomach started to flutter.   _

"I love him!!" Cid said, almost shouting. He laughed, and started to run back to Rocket Town.

"I LOVE HIM!" 

***

Cid walked into the kitchen to see Vincent... crying...

"Vin?" Cid asked gently, brought down from his earlier euphoria quickly by the sobering sight before him. He slowly approached the pale man sitting at the end of the table.

Vincent slowly looked up at Cid with his crimson, tear stained eyes. 

Cid sat down next to him and laid an arm around his shoulders. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly. "You know I'm always here if you need me, right Vin?" He squeezed Vincent's shoulder. 

Vincent hung his head. "Why, Cid...? Why did I ever let that evil man near Lucrecia..? Why was I so accommodating? I just didn't see the project for what it was. That was the plan all along, wasn't it? For Lucrecia to produce a child with the powers of the Cetra. Not just some research project. They were toying with human _life. All of them... they were all so __heartless... it sickens me to think I just went along with it. Unquestioning. I thought I had sinned, but Hojo and Lucrecia committed the greatest sin of all. I... I'm so ashamed... for letting them use me..." His shoulders shook as silent sobs took him... it seemed that the bravado Vincent had put up at the beach had at last shattered. He was again the helpless soul desperate for understanding that Cid had seen at Gongaga that rainy day._

Cid held him close. "Vin, don't be ashamed.. you did what you could! There was just no telling them, they were determined they were gonna create a monster, and they did."

"No..." Vincent said darkly, his teary eyes intense. "They didn't create monsters; they _were_ monsters. Sephiroth is a tragic victim in this. I only hope that he will rest in peace at last when we end his miserable life."

Cid was a little shocked at Vincent's hard, merciless attitude towards the woman he had once loved. He'd called her a monster... now that he'd found Hojo and Lucrecia both willingly made Sephiroth and made him into what he'd become. Vincent had thought Lucrecia to be an innocent victim, but when he'd found out she and Hojo made the child together with the intent of recreating a Cetra, his heart had instantly hardened and he had discarded her memory along with any feelings of guilt left over.

"I gave her memory thirty years in that coffin. I spent thirty years trying to repent and atone for letting that happen to her, when all along she did it to herself, and just let me suffer the torment and agony alone..." He said darkly. "This treachery is beyond my comprehension."

Cid still held him, saying nothing but offering his arms as silent comfort if Vincent wanted it.

"Why, Cid..?" Vincent repeated his earlier desperate question, as if he wanted Cid to explain to him the reason for all his pain over the years, and why had it been for nothing; why had be been so betrayed?

"Why has it all ended up like this? Where has my life gone? I still don't have a reason to exist..." He said, laughing softly, sardonically. "Saving the world. Fine. What then? I'll fade away." He said, a far off light in his eyes that betrayed an inner sadness that somehow Cid couldn't comprehend. He didn't understand.

"You have got a purpose though, Vin." He said softly, smiling at him.

Vincent raised his head and looked into Cid's eyes. Inside, he could sense what was coming... But Vincent didn't know if he was ready...

Cid brushed his hand against Vincent's cheek. He smiled. He knew now... it was clear at last. Perhaps it always was, but he was too afraid to admit it. But now was the moment, the core of it all.

It was as if his very heart spoke the words instead of his mouth, he meant them so much.

"I love you."

Vincent stared at Cid, and became still like a statue. 

Cid suddenly felt scared. 

"Vin... say something..." He murmured.

"I... I'm sorry..." Vincent stood up hastily, freeing himself from Cid's grip and running from the room.

*

End of Chapter Ten

*

(Sorry about the really short chapter. The next one's bigger, promise! ^-~)

(By the way, fans of Lucrecia don't despair, her name is cleared later in the story.)


	11. The Brave Heart Prevails

Chapter Eleven

*

Cid sat alone in his room, staring at nothing, utterly crushed.

Now it was his turn to have tears running from his eyes.

'I really thought he loved me back.. all that shit for all those @#$%ing weeks, and he runs away when I tell him how I feel. It's so @#$%ed up. All I think about is him! I'd die for him! Why...? Were all those kisses, those long talks, the embraces... were they nothing to him? I can't stand it. He just tore my soul right out of my @#$%ing chest and stamped on it. He broke my heart.

I love him so much, how could he do this to me?

I had to tell him how I felt, it was eating me up inside. 

But, why did I ever think that he could feel the same way? I'm such a @#$%ing idiot! I was hoping for the impossible. I know that he can't feel things like regular people can. And yet still it shattered me inside when he ran away.

It wasn't love at first sight, but it was love ever since Gongaga. I know that now. 

He's so beautiful, I've never seen anything or anyone like him; his eyes... so deep and crimson like blood, so sad and meaningful... whenever he looks at me I feel my heart swell in my chest, I just wanna hold him, feel his body close to mine, sink my face into his hair.

Over and over I imagine that his feelings are as strong as mine, that he hadn't run away...'

Cid scowled at himself and angrily wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'm such a @#$%ing wuss..." He leaned forward, hanging his head. He was not the sort of man to admit defeat easily, but now he felt utterly hopeless and beaten. 

He cringed with shame as he remembered his idiotic happy outbursts at the beach as he started back towards the house. He hadn't thought at the time that there might be any other outcome other than Vincent smiling and saying happily "Oh, Cid, I love you too!".

And they all lived happily ever after.

Yeah right.

Vincent had major issues, and though Cid tried his best it seemed they could not be overcome.

"So @#$%ing stupid..." He muttered, his voice hoarse from crying. He hated crying. It made him feel so weak and pathetic. 

But why didn't Vincent seem pathetic when he cried?

Because... he was so brave. Through all of it. 

'I'd be crying a lot more than him if I'd gone through all the things he has... I just wish he'd let me in... I'd comfort him forever.'

Cid frowned and sat up. Well, if it was going to end like this, Cid wasn't going to just crawl off with his tail between his legs. He's promised himself ever since he left home that he wouldn't ever be a coward, and that he would face up to things honestly and without cowardice. He stood up, sniffing and wiping his eyes. With grim determination he strode out of the room and down the stairs, looking for Vincent.

*

He didn't have to look far. Vincent was sitting on the couch in the living room, the TV was on quietly and Vincent was almost timidly hunched up, his arms folded around his knees as he stared desperately at the flickering screen. 

The scene almost put Cid off, as this was an unusual thing for Vincent to do. Why was he watching the TV? Cid squinted at the screen... Cars. A program about car mechanics. As far as Cid knew, Vincent didn't give a flying @#$% about car mechanics.

But strangest of all was Vincent's mannerisms; his expression and the way he was sitting.

He was hunched up, leaning forward in a childlike posture, and his expression was of a desperate mix between sad and afraid.

Cid stood for a moment, his own presence in the room feeling to him like lead over the timorous figure of Vincent sitting low on the couch.

"Vincent." He said, his voice still cracked slightly from crying. He couldn't remember ever using Vincent's full first name before that. He vaguely hoped that his eyes weren't red and puffy; he didn't want Vincent to know he'd been crying over him... not now, anyway.

Vincent looked up slowly at Cid. Cid saw that he'd been crying too. Vincent's face looked so... hurt.

Cid felt overwhelmingly guilty for a moment before remembering it was _him_ that had been hurt.

"I..." Cid started. "I wanna know why." He said simply.

Vincent looked away. "Why what?" He asked quietly, more out of avoidance of speaking than an actual question.

"Why all this. All these @#$%ing weeks of us... of us talking and bonding, and being close... and _kissing... and being scared of our feelings, when you simply __didn't have any."  _

Vincent's face snapped round to stare at Cid, hurt. That's not true, his eyes accused silently.

Cid wasn't put off yet.

"You can't tell me, Vin, you _can't tell me that it doesn't mean anything to you!" Cid cursed inwardly as his eyes started to fill up with tears again. His voice started to crack. "Not now, not when I've fallen in love with you! Do you know how hard it was for me at first to admit that? How scared it made me feel just _thinking_ about telling you?" A tear fell from one of his azure eyes. _

"I'm... sorry..." Vincent murmured quietly.

Cid punched the wall with a yell. "Don't you @#$%ing DARE apologise!!" He shouted. "It's so @#$%ing WEAK, just like her, just like Shera, and it just ain't you! That's one of the reasons I fell for you so @#$%ing hard, because you aren't weak..." His shouts faded into sobs. "Weak... like me..." He whispered, and slid down the wall, weeping bitterly. Vincent saw that his knuckles were bleeding where he punched the wall.

He quickly got up off the couch and sat next to Cid, gathering the broken pilot in his arms. Cid didn't want to out of pride, but found himself clinging hopelessly to Vincent. 

Vincent stroked Cid's hair, softly amused to find their roles reversed for once. 

"Cid..." Vincent began quietly.

"No, don't..." Cid begged, through his tears. "Don't say anything..." 

"But Cid..."

"I can't take it, I can't take the explanation, the reasons..." Half of him wanted to tear himself away from Vincent and the other half wanted to hold him forever.

"Cid... I love you too."

Cid stopped dead as he was railing on underneath Vincent's simple few words. "What?"

Vincent lowered his head. "You heard me."

Cid jerked back from him and stared at him. "You're lying. Don't @#$%ING lie to me!" 

"It's what you want to hear, isn't it?" Vincent murmured, his face partly obscured by a curtain of dark hair.

In his mind, Cid cried out. 'Yes! With all my heart, yes! But you can't be telling the truth, not after this...'

"No. Because you're @#$%ing lying. You're only saying it to stop me freaking out on you! Well I can't be fooled like that!"

"I never said that I didn't love you, did I?" Vincent defended himself.

"No, but you didn't need to! You went all rigid on me and ran off! If that doesn't scream "I don't" then what the @#$% does, Valentine?"

"I was _scared_!!" Vincent suddenly shouted, uncharacteristically. Cid immediately shut up.

"I'm _still_ scared..." Vincent whispered, his intense crimson eyes boring into Cid's azure ones.      

"What can love mean to a creature like me?" He asked Cid. "How can I make you happy, when I can't show emotion like a normal human being? I couldn't even feel sad when Aeris died. I'm not even worthy of your love."

"I don't @#$%ing care!" Cid cried. "All I know is that I love you! What's so @#$%ing complicated about that?!" 

Vincent stared back at Cid's intense eyes silently. He didn't know. Why was he fighting? Why was he pushing Cid away, when Cid was the only thing he cared about in the whole world?

"You've helped me such a lot, Cid... you've taught me to feel things more than I could have before I met you. Now you've even taught me what love feels like. Real love. But... I don't know if I can give you what you need."

Cid was clinging to a thread of hope. Vincent really _did_ love him? "I can teach you a lot more, Vin, if you'd only @#$%ing _let me..."_

Vincent's eyes shimmered and a tear fell from one of them. 

But... this was not a tear of grief, guilt, or anguish. 

It was a tear of happiness.

"Why do you always have to... swear so much, Highwind..?" Vincent asked quietly, smiling at Cid, who wiped the tear from Vincent's cheek.

Cid smiled faintly, and clutched Vincent to his chest, who held Cid back just as tightly.

"I love you so _@#$%ing much..." Cid whispered passionately._

Vincent said nothing, but held Cid really tight, which was all the answer he needed.

*  

~~~

*

Vincent and Cid lay curled in each other's arms, just gazing at each other quietly. Cid's fingers stroked gently through Vincent's hair.

"I guess... this means we go back on board the ship after all, tomorrow?" Vincent asked gently. 

Cid caressed Vincent's face with his own. "Yeah. We've got a reason to fight now." He smiled. "Are we okay to tell everybody about us?"

Vincent nodded and closed his eyes, the fingers of his right hand toying with the short blond hair at the back of Cid's neck. "You can tell whoever you like. I don't care as long as I have you with me."

Cid kissed Vincent's pale shoulder. "And I ain't lettin' go now I've got you." He murmured.

Vincent said nothing but pressed his face against Cid's neck.

Cid let his fingers bury themselves in Vincent's slightly tangled hair and looked out of the partly open window. He noticed the sky was a deep orange glow - the sun was setting. He smiled to himself slightly as he recalled his earlier promise that the issues he and Vincent had were going to be resolved by the time of that very sunset.

It was just so perfect, lying there in Vincent's arms, holding him close... he wished he could lie there like that forever. His arms and legs felt like they'd melted away into nothing and he was just floating in bliss. 

"So how'd you like my room?" Cid murmured close into Vincent's ear.

One of Vincent's eyes half opened. "It's nice. It's yours." He said, the latter being the compliment on Vincent's part.

"Never had anyone stay here before," Cid noted, his eyes roving over his own belongings and the odd carelessly strewn garment with a newly critical gaze. He wondered vaguely if the room would class as in order or just plain messy; he couldn't tell because he was so used to it. "Course, you can change it however you want when you move in. You're probably way @#$%in' tidier than me." 

Vincent froze for a moment. "Move... in..?"

Cid winced as Vincent's face was still nestled in the crook of his neck. Had he put his foot in it again?

"Um... if you want to, that is... I ain't forcin' ya... but I'd be really happy if ya did. 'Cause I love ya so much see, I wanna be around ya all the time." He said, trying to sound casual while all the time his heart was thumping in his ears.

"Of course I will. I'd love to." Vincent said unexpectedly, and raised his head from Cid's chest to look at him. "I love you." He kissed Cid lightly on the lips, and Cid put his arms tight around Vincent and kissed him back properly.

"Christ, Vin... you don't know how good it feels to hear you say that."

Vincent had never felt like this in his life. It was more than happiness, because it washed away all other emotions in its wake. It was...  ecstasy..? bliss..? heaven..? No words could describe the feelings that swelled in  his chest and burst forth like doves into the light when Cid held him, kissed him...

He closed his eyes and caressed Cid's face with his lips. This was love. It was perfect, and for the moment nothing else mattered.

Suddenly, Cid's phone rang on the bedside table, making Cid groan.

"Who the @#$%?" He mumbled as he stretched over to pick it up. "Y'ello?" 

Vincent laid his head upon Cid's chest and listened to the deep rumbling of Cid's vocal cords as he spoke.

Hello, Captain? It's Shera...

"Shera?? How the @#$% did you know I was home?"

Vincent's eyes fixed on Cid's face.

Well, my parents live in Kalm. When I arrived here I bumped into a friend of yours... Mr. Wallace?

Cid frowned. "Mr Wallace..?"

Vincent couldn't think of who it might be and just continued to watch Cid's face.

A voice came from the background on the other end of the phone. You damn jackass! it's ME! Ah came t'see Marlene!

"Barret's second name is Wallace?!" Cid guffawed, his shaking chest making Vincent lift his head.

Captain? I thought you would know him. Yes, he said that you might be home, so I thought I'd call. Do you want me to come home while you're there?

Cid shook his head. "No, no, Shera. We're fine, honestly."

"We"? Is there someone else there, captain?

Cid's eyes widened. "Oh, uh, yeah. Vin's with me. Say hi, Vin." He lowered the phone to Vincent's face, which had resumed its place upon Cid's chest.

"Hi Shera."

Oh, hello! Nice to speak to you again! How are you?

"Oh, I'm great, thank you for asking. You are well, I presume?"

Cid saw this start of a conversation as a chance to hand Vincent the phone and light a cig.

Vincent narrowed his eyes as Cid grinned at him through the smoke. Vincent raised himself up on his elbows, his right hand curling the cord around his fingers instinctively. As he moved, the bed creaked quite noisily and Vincent wondered if Shera heard it.

If she had heard, she didn't mention it as she talked on and on about where the tea things were kept as Cid never made the tea and therefore wouldn't know where they were, and how she was telling Vincent this as Cid would either get cranky with her or wouldn't listen.

Vincent smiled patiently and nodded, going "hmm," every now and then as Cid chuckled at him. Vincent poked him in the ribs with his flesh fingers every now and then if he got too cheeky.

"Ow!"

Is... everything okay?

Cid yelped as Vincent poked him particularly hard and launched himself at the paler man, knocking the phone out of his hand and pinning him to the bed. As the phone collided with the floor it ended the call. Both Cid and Vincent looked at it.

"Whoops." Cid grinned.

"Poor Shera will think something's wrong." Vincent noted, only the slightest trace of a smile on his face as he struggled to get out from under Cid's grip.

"There _is_ something wrong. I want your lips back." Cid grinned.

Vincent shook his head and kissed Cid, and as usual Cid turned it into something more fierce.

***

Cid yawned as he slumped down the stairs the next morning, scratching the back of his neck. He stumbled over to the kettle and filled it with water before clicking it on and getting two mugs from the mug rack. He looked at the clock on the wall as he unscrewed the lid of the coffee jar. "Nine twenty six... @#$%." He started to think a little about the past day's events as he made the coffee. After he and Vincent had started really kissing the previous evening, it had been taken up to Cid's bedroom and gone on from there. It had been very nervous at first, since it was a first for the both of them. Well, it was Cid's first time with a man, he didn't know about Vincent. But then, something in Vincent's shyness suggested it was Vincent's first time _period_.

Shy... that was a good word to describe how Vincent had been. Shy, but willing. _Very_ willing, once things got in motion. 

Cid grinned to himself, a burning cig in his mouth even then as he stirred the coffee in the mugs.

"Captain!"

Cid blinked at Shera's voice and turned round to see her standing in the doorway with her bags, and was about to ask her what she was doing home when he realised he was naked. 

"Mother @#$%in' goddammit!" He exclaimed as he covered himself.

"ARGH!!" Shera went bright red and covered her eyes hastily. "C-captain, I'm so sorry!!" She stammered. 

Cid grabbed a tea towel from near the cooker and wrapped it around his waist. "Shera!! What are you doing here?! I thought you were in Kalm!!" He was also bright red.   

"When there was that commotion last night when you were on the phone, it suddenly went dead and I was worried that there was something wrong! I tried and tried to get through again but the phone was dead, so I came straight back as quick as I could!"

Cid groaned. The phone had remained on the floor as Vincent and he had become otherwise occupied and forgot all about it...

"What's all the noise?" Cid heard Vincent's bare feet come down the stairs softly.

"N-N-no, Vin! It's fine, go back upstairs-" Cid yelled up urgently.

Shera turned to face the stairs just to see a glimpse of bare pale skin and a streak of black hair flash back up the stairs the way it came, followed by a hurried thumping as Vincent ran back up the stairs after having seen Shera.

Despite the embarrassment Cid felt, he was sure that the sight of Vincent's shocked face as he saw Shera before hurtling himself back up the stairs would be a memory he'd cherish forever.

Shera turned back to look at Cid. "I'm sorry, captain... I didn't mean to intrude but I was worried... I know you're okay now so I'll go now." She picked up her bags again.

Cid didn't particularly want to be with anyone else apart from Vincent, but his kind heart got the better of him. "No, Shera, no. Come on. You just got here after travelling all this way... I'll make you some coffee, there's some in the pot still. Come on, sit down... I'll just er, get dressed..." He hastily ran up the stairs, the tea towel still clutched firmly to his waist.

Shera smiled, shaking her head. She stood up and went to the sink, finishing preparing the coffee.

*

Cid walked in to his room to see Vincent pulling on his clothes, all in a flap.

"Did she see me?" He asked Cid somewhat concernedly as he came in, buttoning up his black shirt.

Cid dropped the towel and picked up his own clothes, starting to put them on. "Um... I think she did, yeah. Just yer tail end crashing up the stairs." He chuckled. "Don't worry, she saw _all of me when she walked in. The full @#$%in' Monty!"_

"From the front or back?" Vincent asked, his expression one of embarrassment but with a tweak of mirth in there somewhere.

"Oh, both! I heard her behind me so I @#$%in' turned round, didn't I!"

"Oh dear God." Vincent muttered.

"I know!" Cid buttoned up his pants.

"So I suppose Shera will be the first one to know about us?" Vincent finished dressing and combed his fingers through his hair, trying to untangle it.

Cid sighed as he pulled on his black t-shirt. "Yup." He smiled.

"Well. Perhaps it's for the best." Vincent ran his fingers over Cid's cheek. "Are we ready?"

"Yeah. C'mon."

The pair quietly walked downstairs, to find Shera putting the radio on in the kitchen; three mugs of coffee were arranged on the table.

Cid and Vincent looked at each other. 

"Shera? You didn't have to do that. You just got back." Cid said, sitting down at the table in front of a mug. Vincent waited a moment before following suit.

Shera came over and took the third chair, smiling. "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm just glad everything's okay. Barret told me in Kalm that you all had some time to go home and find something you needed to fight for, and then go back... or not to go back if you couldn't find anything." She looked at Vincent and Cid. "So, did you find something?" She smiled.

Cid and Vincent looked at each other again, briefly. 

"Yes."

"Yeah."

Shera sighed, smiling. "Well that's great. But I guess it means you'll be leaving again. I went to my parents' because I didn't want to be alone while that horrid Meteor is hanging up in the sky... I just can't find the effort to go all the way back now."        

Cid nodded. "I'm sorry, Shera. We were just messing around and the phone fell onto the @#$%in' floor, that's why it went dead." He scratched the back of his head. "Oh, and uh... about before, when you came in..."

Shera smiled. "Please, don't worry about that. I worked it out myself, no need to say anything."

Cid blushed a little bit, he and Vincent exchanged almost sheepish glances. 

"So, um... you figured that me and Vin, we're...?" He made various gestures to Vincent and himself with his two index fingers.

"Yes, I even had my suspicions last night whilst we were on the phone."

Cid blinked.

"But how, while we were on the phone?" Vincent asked.

"Well," Shera smiled. "The only landline phone in the house that's working is in Cid's bedroom. The one down here's broke. You must have already been in there because you picked up after only one ring. And, um... I heard the bed creak a few times. Cid's bed is really noisy - before he left Rocket Town to go with you and Cloud, it used to wake me up in my room when he'd get up in the night for a drink."

"It ain't that @#$%in' noisy!" Cid blushed. He tried to think back to when he and Vincent had actually been giving the bed something to creak _about_, but having been otherwise occupied at the time he couldn't recall the amount of noise it made.

Cid seemed to be in a sort of daydream. Vincent nudged him.

"Huh? What were you sayin'?"

"I wasn't..." Shera said. "Anyway," She said. "I'm happy for you, Captain. And you, Vincent!" She smiled at both of them, then sipped her coffee. "So, are you going back to your team later?"

The pair looked at each other, then Cid grinned. "Sure are. We got stuff to fight for, and we ain't gonna let them numbskulls fight that evil @#$%er all on their lonesome. They'd get their @#$%in' asses kicked without good ol' Cid there to save the day." He paused. "Oh, and Vince. He'll be helpful too."

Vincent gave him a deadpan look. 

"So... when d'ya think we should leave?" Cid asked, sparking up a cig. 

Vincent looked at the wood grain on the table. "Perhaps we should leave straight away. We don't know how long Cloud will wait for everyone to come back. _If_ they come back, or course."

Cid grunted. "The spiky-ass punk better not take off with my ship, or I'll kill the lil' bastard."

*

And so, after about an hour of getting ready to leave and saying goodbye to Shera, Vincent and Cid set off to find the Highwind, to embark on their final journey as AVALANCHE to defeat the Great Sephiroth and save the planet from the Meteor.

The journey to the ship was quiet and comfortable, sometimes Cid would whistle an old tune to himself or make a comment every now and then, Vincent would reply shortly but other than that the pale man was silent. Cid had learned well enough now that Vincent's silences were quite natural, and as long as there didn't seem to be an atmosphere accompanying it the silence was usually indicative of good humour in the quieter one.

They strolled along the various fields until they reached the landing site that Cloud had organised in case anyone wanted to come back. Cid jogged up to the rope ladder and was just starting to climb it when he spotted something on the rocky plain below.

"Hey, is that... Cloud..?" Cid said, squinting at the rocks.

"..And Tifa." Vincent finished for him, spotting the pair easily with his keen sight. "We'd best leave them to it. Come on." He averted Cid's gaze from the pair to the rope ladder by ministering a firm slap to Cid's rear with his good hand.

Cid grinned, laughing. "Valentine! I never knew you had a naughty streak! Well, up until last night I didn't..." He chuckled as he started to climb.

"Enough. Climb." Vincent shoved Cid to make him climb more quickly.

Cid didn't see the broad smile on Vincent's face.

*

End of Chapter Eleven

*

That's a LONG chapter for me, ain't it? Heh. ^_^


	12. Epilogue

Sorry It's been so long guys - thanks fer all the reviews! ^_~ On with the show!

~~~

By now, you are all probably wondering - in the end, when I pulled the trigger on the poor soul that had once been Lucrecia's baby, did I regret? Did I hesitate? Did I feel I was sinning against her once more?

I can tell you in a single word.

Simply, no.

It was mercy. He was no longer human, and weighing his life against the lives of every soul on, and indeed the very planet itself, the right decision was more than obvious to me. Sephiroth's time had come, and it was up to us to deliver his sentence. 

It was Cloud's score to settle, and I was not responsible in the end for Sephiroth's death. My hands remained clean.

The final three, as always, were Cloud, Cid and I. Cid and Cloud both fought so bravely, so earnestly... for we were all of us fighting for what we believed in, for what we wanted to protect.

And... for the settling of everything, as Cloud himself put it. I thought those words were entirely fitting.

Cid and I had each other now. We couldn't afford to lose something like what we had.

That would be a sin.

So now, everything had been laid to rest and all debts had been repaid. 

I hoped that Aeris, wherever her soul was in the Lifestream of our planet, felt the same sense of accomplishment and peace that flowed through us all as we watched the damned Meteor crumble to dust under the combined powers of Holy and the Lifestream.

I looked at the other members of the team. The relief that was slowly dawning on their tired, dusty and dirtied faces. They all looked so tired, so weary and worn... but calm. It was over now.

It was over.

Tifa gripped on tight to Cloud's hand as they surveyed the last of Meteor's dust swallowed up in the winds. Midgar was horribly scarred, but it was never a beautiful city to begin with. It could be healed.

Barret's eyes were glistening. I couldn't tell if it was because of tears or just sparkling with emotion at this; the end of all this trouble... but I knew that inside he was thinking of Marlene.

Yuffie was crying openly with relief, laughing at the same time as the tears rolling down her face. "It's over! It's over! Everyone's safe!" She kept saying to everybody that would listen. Red XIII and Cait Sith were similarly affected, restless and moving about the deck with a mix of disbelief and glee.

Finally I looked at Cid. He smiled at me so warmly his face almost seemed to glow. He came forward and put his arms around me, right there in front of everyone.

"Now's about as good a time as any, right Vin?" He murmured to me. He smiled.

I smiled too. "Yes."

Half of our team were already watching with softly inquisitive expressions, and I saw that Yuffie was smiling broadly.

"Guys..." Cid said, clearing his throat. I began to feel my cheeks burn.

"Me and Vin, we uh... we got something we gotta tell y'all."

"What's that then, Cid?" Yuffie asked innocently.

Cid shook his head at her, but he was smiling faintly.

I think everyone had already guessed by now, judging by the smiles that were dawning on their faces. But they wanted to hear it anyway.

"Well, Vin and me have been close friends ever since... since Aeris went missin'..." Cid lowered his tone as he mentioned the flower girl. "A whole lotta the stuff we've gone through in this team, we've gone through together." He softly clapped his hand against my shoulder for emphasis. I looked at my feet as he went on, feeling a lot of eyes focus on me.

"We just kept gettin' closer, 'cause believe it or not we got a lot in common. ..."

I froze. Cid had become stuck. I looked at him and saw him looking at the floor too, scratching the back of his head and his cheeks blushing bright red.

"Um.... uh... %^&#@$*&^%......" He muttered.

Cloud broke off his incoherent and frankly offensive mumbling after a while of nothing else coming from the stuttering pilot.

"Cid..." The spiky haired young man broke in. "If this is about you and Vincent ... being together... then we uh, already know..." He smiled.

Both Cid and I snapped our gaze up from the floor first to stare at Cloud, then after a moments thought our collective gaze snapped to Yuffie. We gave her daggers.

She immediately grinned at us fearfully, with a nervous laugh. "Ehehehe... umm, I just couldn't hold it in any longer, okay..? I knew everyone would be totally fine about it, and you guys planned on tellin' everyone in the end anyway, right? So I don't really see a problem! Hehe..."

"Don't be angry at Yuffie, guys..." Tifa said with a smile. "We sort of forced it out of her. We knew she was hiding something, so we made her tell us. She made us promise not to tell you two that she told us, but..."

Cloud spoke again. "It looked like you needed a bit of help." He laughed.

Cid was very red. "So... um, I guess that's that..."

Yuffie ran over to us and put her arms around us both. "Hey, everybody's really happy for you, right guys?"

Cid struggled to get out of her grip as everyone else murmured various notions of agreement to what the small ninja had said. Which was heartening, I have to admit. Even Barret seemed almost pleased.

Cid was quick to defend his masculinity, as no one seemed very surprised that his partner was male.

"Don't get me wrong, though, guys -" He started. "I'm not a fag. No way. I'm not into guys, it's just that Vin's the exception, see? I wasn't attracted to him or anything," He turned to me. "No offence there, Vin - I think you're hot and all, but -" He turned to everyone else again, as I blinked, unable to work out whether I should be offended or not. "I only think he's hot 'cause I got emotionally attached to him, see - it's kinda like I got used to him and I only found him attractive _after_ the feelings set in, y'know?"   

Everyone had started to filter back into the Highwind, leaving Cid to ramble on, until even Yuffie let her grip on us go slack and she too slinked off into the ship, looking a little green with the familiar air sickness.

"So, like I said in the first place, --" Cid blinked. "Hey! Where'd they all go?"

I smiled at him, as we were at last alone on the deck, underneath the twinkling stars. "They got tired of you defending your manliness, Cid. I think they understand well enough."

He smiled and came close to me, and for the first time we kissed on the Highwind without fear of being discovered.

For the first time, my heart felt whole again.

Cid was, and always will be, my breath of life.

~~~~~~

The End.

~~~~~~

Ahh, ain't it luvverly? 

Well, that's the end for you happy chaps, but for the angst lovers in you, please move on to Breath of Life part II. But be warned, it's not for angst-haters... ^~^;;;

I am treating Part I as a separate story, however - reading Part II is not compulsory, but it was compulsory for me to write it.

As an end-note, I want to thank everybody who gave me such positive feedback and inspired me to finish such a long story (that's including Part II!) because I usually can't manage something this long, and it's because of you guys that I felt encouraged to make it right to the end!

My thanks go to Jessi, Beautifully-Twisted, Goldenfur, RikuNghts, and thank you to Kirie Himuro for so many wonderful reviews! Thanks also to anyone who read, enjoyed and reviewed it - you made me so happy with every review I got. 

I know, I'm being really OTT and mushy, but this story (and the reviews it got) mean a lot to me.

Well, if you're brave enough to read Part II after such a happy ending, I'll see you at the other side of it! ^^;;

~Nimmy~

xxx


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